


Sign of the Serpent

by Searofyr



Series: Most blessed and most cursed [3]
Category: Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls Online
Genre: Background Relationships, Dragon Break (Elder Scrolls), Eventual Romance, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:07:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 51
Words: 27,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27862793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Searofyr/pseuds/Searofyr
Summary: The journal of Riacil, Vestige and Lorkhan’s chosen; Nirn, Coldharbour 2E.A Bosmer mystic with a colourful past and a life-long association with Lorkhan, Riacil messes with reality, deserts his old alliance via magical means and finds himself a hero of the Ebonheart Pact.This journal chronicles his trip to Coldharbour and back, and his attempts at finding himself and what he wants in life. Sometimes it’s complicated; sometimes even a Wood Elf doesn’t see the forest for the trees. Especially if he prefers the sea.Partially and loosely features events from the tail end of the ESO main quest and some more beyond.Set in a dragon break with three potential Vestiges, with Riacil one of them.
Relationships: Abnur Tharn/Imperial Female Vestige, Divayth Fyr/Male Dunmer Nerevarine, Lorkhan/Male Bosmer Vestige, Lorkhan/Vestige (Elder Scrolls), Sotha Sil/Male Dunmer Vestige, Sotha Sil/Vestige
Series: Most blessed and most cursed [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2039801
Kudos: 4





	1. An account of failure

_[A page from Riacil’s journal, torn out and decomposing in Reaper’s March, ink smeared]_

I’m looking at myself and what I’m doing here, and I’ve tried so hard not to look for so long, but that’s how it always goes, isn’t it? At some point I have to look. And then I see. Fuck it, I’ve always seen. But I can’t do it anymore.

My heart is clenching up, I can’t breathe, but fuck this all, I’m going to take stock. Here goes:

\- I’m frequently made to fight the Maormer, my adopted people, the people who are more my people than any bloodline I was born into and anyone I’m fighting for.

\- I got myself dragged into fighting for the Thalmor and their cause, and what the fuck am I even doing here, all this just to prevent the bigger evil and put the lesser evil on the ruby throne? Fuck this.

\- I’m fighting to uphold the system I despise in Valenwood, my alleged home, defending it from the change I want, and I’m also fighting to uphold the Altmer superiority over this alleged home of mine, which I’ve always despised as well.

\- Were it not for the Lorkhan thing, my grandfather might be almost proud of me now.

\- Fuck this. Fuck this all. I can’t do this.

Lorkhan,

Get me out. I don’t care how, I don’t care what I have to do, just get me out. 

Remember? I once said those words to another. One you sent to me. And he got me out then.

But this time I messed up too much and for too long, and I’m well and truly trapped here. I’ll need something more direct this time.

So I’ll repeat those words from back then: Get me out. I don’t care how, I don’t care what I have to do, just get me out. I’ll do anything.

Salyn’s side isn’t so bad, the Ebonheart Pact. He doesn’t have the problems I do. He has less qualms about things in general cause he’s Salyn, but he’s also got a conscience, and he can live with himself where he is. If we can’t be in the same world, why can’t I have washed up where he did and taken that turn?

I should have paid more attention to his ramblings about dragon breaks and gaps in reality and how this is all an illusion and you’ve got to preserve your self and all that. Huh. Maybe I did pay attention. 

I’ve got to think on that. 

Meanwhile, Lorkhan, you know I love you, and I know I ask you for a lot all the time, but most of it is pointless rubbish, but here I’m serious, I’m begging you, get me out. I don’t have a soul, my life isn’t worth too much, I mess up everything I touch, but I still selfishly care what happens to me and what becomes of my self, and I can’t do this anymore, I can’t, get me out, get me out, get me out


	2. Chapter 2

_[A fresh Nordic leather volume emblazoned with a serpent design, first page]_

First, I saw nothing. Then I saw everything, and the other kind of nothing, and futures and pasts and worlds and the tower. The I. Myself. I laughed at that, but I don’t know if I still had a body to laugh with, or eyes to see anything with for that matter, but it didn’t matter then. The body I’d had was Daedric creatia anyway.

It was easy to cling to myself – after all, I realised, I’ve done that for all my life.

Things shifted then. I saw Salyn.

He saw me, too. He said, “Don’t become me, now, we’ve talked about how that’s bad.”

I said, “I won’t, I’ve got plenty on my hands with myself,” and he grinned.

“So what now?” he asked. “I thought it’d be easier if you’re on the other side, like those books suggested, but you hated that, didn’t you? Can’t ask that of you. What else then,” and he took on his pensive look where, when you see it, you know it’s going to be a long night and some warden of time will have a headache the next morning.

“I like your side,” I said, “but I’m not replacing you. You’re important, too. There’s room enough for the two of us.”

“A parallel, then,” he said. And his red eyes flared up like that mountain –

“Watch out for that mountain,” I said. “You’ve got something to lose there.”

“ _That_ mountain?” He frowned. “I’ve got a country to lose, sure, I’d hate that. So you’re saying…”

“No, not a country. More. And ‘there’ is an inaccurate word. ‘There’ is when the time comes. ‘There’ is the consequence. I’ve already said enough. You’re welcome.”

“You’re kidding me.”

“Not this time,” I said.

A ghostly serpent’s tail curled around my waist. Not yet tugging, but starting to. It was time, wasn’t it.

“If you’re right,” Salyn began. Paused. “I hate losing things. Will you help me? From where you are?”

I looked up the ghostly snake form. “Will we? Can we? Yes?”

“Yes,” said the ghostly voice in my ghostly head.

“Yes,” I said to Salyn. “You’ve helped me. I wouldn’t have known without you. And I like you, and you liked me despite all. I won’t forget that.”

“Still like you,” he corrected. “So, parallels?”

I turned to the snake. “Parallels?”

“Parallels,” said the snake.

“Parallels,” I said to Salyn.

“Then I’ve got something to study. Take care of yourself out there.”

Then the serpent’s tail tugged me onwards, and everything went to nothingness once more.

I woke up in Sovngarde. Without orientation, clueless as to why I was there. Slowly my memories came back. Sensation, too. Serpent’s tail still wrapped around me. “That your solution?” I muttered. “But that works for me. I don’t deserve it at all, so thanks. Are you staying, too? Stay with me.” I pet the ghostly snake body wrapped around me. It worked this time.

“Then let’s do it differently,” said the whisper. The grip around my waist tightened, and we dissolved, and Sovngarde faded, too, and then I woke up in the snow.

Someone approached me. Nord royalty. Then a new set of memories got added to the old. I started laughing. “You pulled it off,” I said to the ghostly touch around me, “you actually pulled it off!”

“You,” came the answer.

“We?”

“We.”

A Dunmer in a dark robe reached over and felt my forehead. “He’s not right in the head yet. We need to get him inside.”

The skald king laughed. “Of course he isn’t! He was in Sovngarde! Tell me, son, how did it go?”

And here I am.


	3. Chapter 3

So from what I can gather, I got into this version of events just in time for us to invade Coldharbour. Well, I _said_ I didn’t care what I had to do, right? And I want my soul back.

Now this very nice gentleman from the Mages Guild is introducing me to the other alliance leaders, which means walking into Elden Root as a stranger via portal and getting introduced to my former queen as an opposing side threat. Got to say, feels good. 

Know what else is different? The shadows have left me for good, and I suck at archery. How’d _that_ happen? But no complaints, I wanted this. And the snake magic is still there. That’s what counts.

And moreover, in return for what I’ve lost, what I find at my fingertips is _more magic_! Can you believe that? I can’t. I’m happy. I’ve got to learn all about this.


	4. Chapter 4

My dearest beloved patron, you who claimed me under the sign of the Serpent to attach a tag of “most blessed and most cursed” to me as a side effect like a love potion that has a side effect of spontaneous bursting into flame: We need to talk. 

I’ve got some constructive criticism of our relationship. 

Oh, nothing of the big matters, you’ve done the impossible or made it that _we_ did the impossible, whichever it is. If it even matters at this point. I, you, I like things a little blurred.

But if I could just point out one thing, just for the future, yeah?

If I’m grumping about having to clean a glass still standing around, I do _not_ mean that I want to accidentally knock it over the next moment and have it shatter into a fucking mess of glass shards and water all over the floor. 

While yes, that eliminates the need to _clean the glass_ , it’s not actually an improvement of my situation and my evening for the _net worth_ of it, you get my meaning?


	5. Chapter 5

Events are running away with me.

I’m on Stirk. You know, back when I was young, I had this idea of making it here somehow, it being the contested territory it is, and then running away with whatever faction I would find here at the time. Pact, Covenant, pirates, didn’t matter, as long as it wasn’t my own. (Though in my fantasies it usually ended up being the pirates.)

I never did make it to Stirk because I turned off my head and joined a cult in my homeland instead, and then had to be rescued from that. By pirates, fittingly enough, but not until after… well, the kinds of things that happen when people take the Green Pact too seriously, or are drunk on power, and the Green Pact provides a good excuse and outlet. I really should have just run off to Stirk as planned as a youth. It was the less idiotic out of my idiotic ideas.

Be that as it may. I got my pirates, after all, and then my desertion, and now even Stirk, where I face the consequences of all that. 

An island full of alliance leaders and guild notables with their eyes on me. And they all act like children.

Something that still feels good though: The other leaders complaining to me about “my king”, with that king being Jorunn. 

I have that nervous feeling in my gut when I meet Ayrenn, this nonsensical anxiety that tells me that surely she must know on some level that I was her champion in another timeline and deserted and she ought to kill me on the spot. But she doesn’t. I’m just another insolent Pact upstart to her, and then I can’t help myself but have to act the part, and be snappier with her than with the rest. Well, it’s part nerves and part relief and part simply knowing from inside experience that her alliance is garbage to live in. 

Emeric I like. Really like. Unexpectedly really like. What a courteous witty smart engaging man, and he praises me, too, whenever we meet. 

But no, I won’t desert a second time. Once was enough. Besides I’ve fallen hopelessly in love with Skyrim and the Nords already.

Wouldn’t peace be a nice option…?

But no, in the end they won’t help. Useless the lot of them. I already didn’t expect Ayrenn to help, and she certainly lives up to that expectation, and the others won’t either, because something something Cyrodiil. So we’re supposedly going in with a handful of guild people who don’t know what real war looks like and who are great at posturing and doing their hair. 

Just the kind of help I’d wanted for invading _fucking Coldharbour_. Is it too late to ditch everyone and assemble a Maormer crew instead? I’d have more luck with that. 

Or speaking of guilds, why don’t we get the Dark Brotherhood involved? Anyone know anyone in there? They could come in and stab the Daedra with that blade of theirs. 

This is a joke, and I’m part of it.

Lorkhan, I bet you think this is the funniest thing ever. 


	6. Fucking Coldharbour

Of fucking course we were scattered, and I appear to be the only one who landed anywhere fucking civilised. Well, sort of. It’s a creepy abandoned city that used to be Meridia’s; excellent, landed right in the middle of a spat between two Daedric Princes, _just_ what I needed, but I got a tour by a pretty Breton lady, and who’s to say no to that?

Know who else is here? Cadwell!

I’m still getting used to this life. I have the memories, in theory, but they’re vague, and they’re not as naturally _there_ as the other ones. I have to think about things, and sometimes I get it wrong, cause my preconception is louder than the background memory that shimmers over my consciousness and always threatens to elude me again.

That reminds me. Once we’re done here, with whatever this mess is going to be, I have to get back in touch with the people at the Harbourage, we had a lot of things to do still. 

I wonder if anyone here sells drinks.

I wonder if the pretty Breton lady will let me invite her for one. 

What currency do they even have here? I can’t trade in souls. I’d better find out before I invite her and then can’t pay. 


	7. Chapter 7

So, there is an inn with the most normal and welcoming people you will find, right in Coldharbour.

Currency is regular gold, too, and not souls, which is good.

Unfortunately, none of this helped me win over the pretty Breton lady for drinks, and I didn’t even get a name out of her other than the Groundskeeper. At least she let me down gracefully, saying it wouldn’t be a good idea. Oh well, if I’m not her type, I’m not her type. 

So tonight I’m drinking alone with Sindir, who’s having fun snatching new snacks out of the air. I hope snakes don’t get stomach issues from Daedric critters. He’s too fast to stop him from hunting. Just to make sure, I’m buying him his main meals from the regular people fare that they sell here, so he won’t be too hungry and overeating on Daedric flies or whatever else we’ll find here.

There’s not even a functioning bard here, though. The one there is is missing her lute. I’m going to have to find that. In the meantime, maybe if someone has another string instrument, I can dig out the three chords I know and torment the visitors that way. This city is entirely too silent, and it’s getting unnerving.


	8. Chapter 8

I’ve rescued a number of scholars from an overly elaborate prison, one of them Telenger the Artificer. 

While we had to wait for the area to clear out for guard change cause we were both exhausted, I mentioned reading his treatise on the Argonian Maid, and he made a comment that he didn’t expect that to be what he’d be remembered for but perhaps it was inevitable among non-mages, and I remembered in this world I _am_ a mage (my memory still gets fuzzy on that even when I’ve been throwing fire around all day, cause habit of thought is hard to break, isn’t it). 

So I said I _was_ a mage but I still liked a bit of worldy literature, and he agreed with that, so we had a chat on such wordly literature while the Daedra around us were going about their guard change. Nice fellow, I like him.


	9. Chapter 9

I met someone out in the Coldharbour wilderness. I _thought_ I was being watched. Turned out I was. 

It’s always murky out there, and it was eerily quiet again, but I thought I heard a scratching noise. I remembered to set this multiple-fireball spell around me that I know now (I’m getting better at remembering and actually doing it), and approached. 

He stood there in perfect calm, writing.

A Dunmer fellow, didn’t recognise him from the Stirk conference, and he said he’s been here for a while longer than that. Introduced himself as a banker. A _banker_. In _Coldharbour_. Dressed in Imperial style, claimed not to have any alliances, but would be agreeable to a new one if I wanted to hire him and perhaps was intending to leave Coldharbour eventually and take him along.

I asked him how he’d managed to survive and get by until now. He said he had his methods, and it needn’t concern me.

I looked a little more closely at our surroundings. Now, Coldharbour is often scattered with bones of all kinds; after a while you don’t even look anymore. But the ones in his vicinity looked a little fresher than the usual.

I had to grin, I couldn’t help myself. 

Of course he’d seen my eyes wandering around. He’s a perceptive kind, you can tell if you pay attention to him and don’t get fooled by the smooth exterior.

I said, “Just in case, here’s a little warning, although I reckon you don’t need it. I tend to get into dangerous business.”

He said, “I’ve accounted for that.”

I was, of course, endlessly fascinated at that point. Racking my brain trying to think of all the terms we needed to agree on, cause this is not a mer to take lightly. After we settled a few mundane basics on how things would work in practical terms, in the end, I went the straightforward route, cause if I try to plot, it never ends well anyway. 

I said, “Bankers are supposed to be secretive.”

He raised an eyebrow and waited. Always the professional.

I went on, “Now I’m not the most loyal fellow around all of the time, but if you work for me, I promise you’re under my protection. As much as you need it anyway.” With a glance at the bones scattered around him. “In return, though. Thing is, I’ve got a lot of business on my plate that should _really_ not be known by the wrong parties, and if we’re always together, you’ll know. It’d be a problem if you told.”

He assured me he could be very secretive and asked me if I could be, too. Related to those bones, I reckon, but on the other hand, that’s what he _let_ me see. Who knows what else he’s got hidden in that too sharp head of his?

We figured if we start this collaboration, we’ll be tied to each other for a good long while. But I could use the help; I’m terrible with numbers, and I need aid setting my regular life straight; I stumble about barely knowing what I’m doing or where and what I am half the time.

That, and I can’t escape the intrigue of it all.

Result is, we’ve got a deal. We’re back in the too-silent city, and I’ve finally got company. And he’s always writing. Worse than me even. We agreed mentioning each other in our journals is fine as long as we both watch out they don’t fall into the wrong hands.

This might be a momentous mistake, but no risk no reward, right?


	10. Chapter 10

Tythis is more than happy to follow me along into battle, which is beautiful, but I wanted to give this a test run before we go up against the really big enemies. I’ve promised him my protection, after all.

Luckily, that bard was still missing her lute, so I decided we’d go get that first. When I told Tythis we’d be investigating the Grotto of Depravity, he asked if that was the kind of confidential business I’d sworn him to secrecy about.

I think we’ll get along.

So we went to this Daedric edifice and walked into this _interesting_ party. I’ll leave the details to the reader’s imagination. Let me just say, when the Daedra call something the Grotto of Depravity, they’re not messing around.

They were at first fine with us being there; there were other mortal visitors there, too, and a number of mortal and Daedric bards both. When we decided to take our own bard’s lute off the hands of their boss, things turned hostile, though.

At least I _think_ that counted as hostility. It can be hard to tell with Daedra, especially given the setting.

Anyway, we successfully recovered the lute, and the Hollow City bard can play again. 

Tythis also liberated a Khajiiti esraj while we were at it. The matching bard had passed away earlier, and nobody there knew how to play the thing, so he took it and gave it to me. I don’t know how to play it either, but that’s only three chords away from my knowledge of the lute. Maybe the Khajiiti innkeeper can teach me.


	11. Chapter 11

Did a serious rescue mission for a seriously locked-up prisoner. I’m wiped. However, my new friend Tythis was a great help and kept me sane.

Also I think Lorkhan’s laughing at me again. They forced me to choose between helping a Bosmer tribe (but who’d picked a deal with the not so gracious host of this-here stunning realm) or a bunch of Lamia. Snake people. I’ve heard the rumours that they talked, and always wanted to talk to them, but didn’t think I’d get to. But I did! And… they’re snake people. How could I not pick their welfare? Also their babies were stolen, who in the fuck steals babies? My people on Molag Bal’s turf apparently. That’s not my people. 

So anyway, we got snake allies and rescued an ancient Ayleid king, who’s not a cranky ghost for once but very much alive. And talks like he’s a textbook. I think I like him. 

Also, there’s that notion where you’ve got to like people you’ve rescued so that it feels worth it. Wonder if it’s instinct.

Anyway! Tythis did brilliantly, and I’m not inclined to let him out of my employment again, and we’re spending the evening unwinding in the still too silent city, and by Lorkhan that man can drink! I thought I was good.

I had to warn him at some point that if I continued, things could get undignified cause I was hitting my limits of composed sobriety; he just poured me more sujamma.

Fucking Dunmer. 

Catching some fresh air outside. Well, for Coldharbour standards of fresh, anyway.

You get used to the silence. The slight whistling wind, the sound of practicing my coinflip and failing terribly cause I had way too much to drink, the scratching of quill on paper next to me, a torch flickering. That’s all the night needs right now.


	12. Chapter 12

I got that tingling of static in the air, and before I knew what was happening, I saw an incredibly blurry projection of Salyn over from his own plane. Time. Version. Whichever this stuff is. 

I was so happy to see him.

He was grinning all over too, saying finally he found me, I was hard to pick up on, and for finding someone in a new plane or timeline you have to create an accident first, but if it’s supposed to be a specific person, it has to be a planned accident and takes a lot of precision, and he didn’t know where I’d gotten myself off to, till he tried simply searching my old one again but leaving modifiers for changes within that timeline, and here I am.

That’s incredibly helpful, that also tells me where I am and what happened! I/we actually restructured the same damned timeline and reality around us, I didn’t swap places or travel or replace anyone! And the old past is also completely wiped out, not waiting around the corner anywhere. This is fantastic.

Anyway, I said I’m in Coldharbour right now, and he gave me all kinds of useful pointers, cause he’s been here and done all this before of course, when he was in my position in his time.

And then he wanted something. Of course. (No, just kidding, that’s unfair, Salyn helps me without wanting anything. Always has.) But he still wants something. 

He asked me, “How would you like to be part of an insane experiment?”

I couldn’t stop grinning and said I had to be in if it’s his, but I’m not a scholar.

He said he was inspired and he’s got enough scholars, he needs a mystic, and one with my connections, and also he wants to include me specifically and make sure my choices and wishes get marked down into time cause I’m like his little brother.

Could’ve just cried right there. Might’ve shed a few tears. I don’t normally get told that kind of thing. Said he’s my brother too, then, and almost didn’t get it out cause it’s embarrassing to say, after all, but he was happy. 

Then I asked what this is all about, and he said, not while I’m in Coldharbour, but now he can find me again and he’ll tell me more once I’m done here.

I’m pretty sure I know what this is about. Not going to write it down right now if he wants us to be cautious. Alright.

But he asked for reference what the most important thing to me was in my life and reality, and asked “Lorkhan?” And I said “Yeah, Lorkhan, obvious pick.”

And he said, “noted,” and then he got weak cause it was his first time trying projection (for which that was pretty damned impressive!), but he said he’s trying to do something spectacular and impress his patron and mainly save his love, and I said, “That’s new”, and he said “Yes it is” with that big grin that tells me it’s got to be someone worth a whole lot of effort.

So I told him that, and he said, “Yeah he is”, and then he had to go.

Well that was interesting! 

And… reassuring, to be honest, not only seeing him again, I’m glad he managed to track me down, but also, how to say this, the prospect of having something to do and to return to, even when I get back to Tamriel and get my soul back and am free to do whatever, cause I’d already semi-consciously settled into the life _here_ and having something to do and I’ve been dreading having to go back home to… nothing.

Tythis is raising his eyebrows at me.

I said, “ _This_ is the kind of thing I need you to be secretive about.”


	13. Death? and Coldharbour

For fuck’s sake those Dremora almost got me. I’m never ever letting my banker go again. 

That could have cut this venture very very short. By Lorkhan, that was close. I’m still shaking. 

And the thing is that normally on Nirn I could always reform, I do that. Way too often really. Well, it’s gotten better since I reformed the whole time instead and turned into a mage as a side effect with all this dragon stuff, wherever that’s from (according to my new memories some washed-up but not unattractive veteran taught me in a forgotten border town, and the joke is that I couldn’t even find that place on a map now).

But before that? I died so often it’s not funny, except it kind of is. How can this not be funny? But I really prefer not to do that.

But the thing is, I mean the actual thing, the point I was going to get to, what about Coldharbour? This is where this form is from, right? I die on Nirn, I reform on Nirn. Straightforward enough. I die in Coldharbour, what happens? Do I die for real? Do I wake up in one of those rivers of plasma that they form out of? 

By the way, worst thing, being out in the wild for a few days in a row and getting used to it and forgetting for a moment that that’s not water. 

Reason I had that one Dunmer fighter in the Hollow City, Rathys, cut my hair. They have no hairdressers there cause I guess there are more necessary occupations right now, but trust a Dunmer carrying a blade to be really fucking good with it, and he was. Less of it getting everywhere now, and less compulsion now to wash it in a river of the kind of stuff people like you are made of. At least I didn’t drink it.


	14. Chapter 14

We ran across some Necromancers, probably worm cultists; you’d think they’d have someplace more important to be than here. Don’t they have a Nirn to enslave?

In any case, they got in our way, and they recognised Tythis.

Seemed surprised to see him. Asked if he was free, whatever that meant.

He just barely shook his head. Shot me a glance like this was meant in my direction.

Now, Coldharbour runs by strange laws, and you don’t question them when it’s your all-too-competent friend alluding to them.

So I said, “No, no, he’s not. And you’d better stay away from my banker.” And set the ground between us and them on fire for good measure. (I love that trick.)

“Your what now?” Their probable leader didn’t look too happy with that, and then he retreated into a sneer at Tythis. “Seems you did well for yourself. A banker. Well, well.” He looked at the fire in front of him as if as an afterthought. “A banker,” he muttered. “Well, we’ll be going then.”

They turned their backs on us and left.

I turned to look at Tythis.

He shook his head. Then he looked at their retreating backs. “Allow me?” All professional and smooth.

“Sure,” I said.

“You may wish to look away.”

“Want me to?”

“If you please.”

So I looked to the side. To be polite and all. Regarded the beautiful flora, got so much character here.

I heard some curdling shrieks from up ahead. I’ve heard some stuff in my life, but that was unique.

Then Tythis said, “You may look again.”

So I did.

There was a bit of smoke ahead, and that was it. Nobody left.

I raised an eyebrow at him.

“I trust you will treat this with confidentiality, as well,” he said.

“Naturally.” I know my voice was thin. But that’s alright. He’s seen me weak. And I reckon if he ever wants me dead, I’m dead anyway. “Is there any point in asking who or what you are or what they were or what this was?”

“I am Tythis Andromo, your personal banker. I am most grateful for your employment of my person. _They_ are elements that will not bother us again, either of us.”

“Alright”, I said. “Say. You’ve saved my life on more than one occasion, and... I’m grateful, too. The employment still suit you, or… I could make you a partner, too, or…”

“As I said, I’m most grateful.”

A kind of safety, definitely. Maybe the protection I’d promised when we met. “Alright. Got it. Then that’s how it is. You ever need anything though, any way I can help you, you let me know, alright?”

A gracious smile and a nod. “Much appreciated. Now, shall we?”

I let the fire die down, and we moved on as if nothing had happened.


	15. Chapter 15

On a sombre note, we got out a mage from a Daedric laboratory of the kind that made me sick.

Could only rescue one out of two. It’s complicated. And those two were the only ones left at all.

They had me choose. I don’t know how much anyone should ask me to choose anything, but I chose. Just went by gut instinct and bias cause what else could I do?

The last talk with Salyn was too fresh. I do have a liking for smart and haughty and sometimes melancholy Dunmer mages. Not like _that_ , even. I mean, Salyn’s my adopted brother now, for one. No, just as people. I see one, I like them and want to be around them. So Gadris it was.

Pity it couldn’t be both, but since it couldn’t, I’m glad about the choice. We got back to Hollow City via portal. (Always keep a portal-casting mage around.)

Now there’s another person whose name is on my mind and who means a thing and whom I have to get safely back to Tamriel.

It’s easier when it’s all anonymous guild idiots. Once you have names and faces and attachments, even of the most superficial kind, things get depressing, and you sleep a lot worse.


	16. Chapter 16

How do we always get into these situations?

Tell you how. It started with a mage lady we rescued earlier imploring us to rescue her servant, with a vague idea of where he might be.

So we went in the general direction. We did find him, too.

In a tower, in the middle of another Daedric party of the interesting kind. This one was about 9 parts Dark Seducers and 1 part Winged Twilights, plus one soul-shriven Argonian bard (maybe someone’s read the relevant literature on the topic).

What the decorative skeletons once were is hard to tell.

So, picture that last party, in the Grotto of Depravity, if you can, and then consider that at that party there was not a single Seducer, and at this one they were the overwhelming majority. You may have an idea. You probably don’t, though. And I’m not about to go into detail, this isn’t that kind of book.

They didn’t notice us at first, so for a while we were just standing in the doorway staring and processing what was going on here, and then Tythis looked at me and looked around the room, and said, “You do have an interesting selection of venues to take us to. Shall we treat this, too, with discretion?”

And I just lost it and couldn’t stop laughing, at that and at the absurdity of it all, no matter how completely unfitting and dangerous this was, I just stood there having a laughing fit in the doorway of this _venue_ , as my friend put it.

Eventually we caught some attention, and before it could turn to the confusing kind, made haste to rescue the poor Breton servant and get out of there.

Back in the Hollow City now. Everything else aside, I have to say I haven’t had this much fun since… I don’t even know when. Maybe back with my Maormer crew. Many years ago.


	17. Just a note

Now that the world has changed and I’m shit at archery, I can see why archers annoy people so much in battle.

Sometimes I miss it.

But it’s a price I paid, and it’s not much of a price if you don’t mind its loss. So it’s alright. Not going to try and reverse it.

And this new magic is more exciting anyway.

But one thing that’s not letting me go, where do _skeletons_ get the strength you need to… You know what, it’s Coldharbour. Don’t question things too much.


	18. Chapter 18

What made me think it was a good idea to compete in drinking and dice with Tythis, with wagers? That would have been excusable the first time, but not after that.

It’s Tythis. I don’t have a clear head after enough drinks. He always has a clear head, and I’ve yet to see him reach his limit. For the dice part, I don’t know how lucky he is, but I’m typically so unlucky it doesn’t matter. I’m terrible at lying and bluffing, except if the other party is really not paying attention or is trying not to see the truth. He’s always stone-faced and is attentive as a sep adder in wait.

In short, this was the worst idea of the era, except perhaps for that amulet number my associates back home pulled a few years ago.

But I’m incapable of learning when I’m having a good time.

As payment I’ve now got to copy some spells we’ve seen the Dark Seducers use and incorporate them into my fighting style for at least 2 weeks.

Well. Here’s the idea: Add fire to a thing, you can always claim it’s part of that mystical ancient dragon magic you learned (in another dark tavern with other shady company). Even if it’s whips and shackles. Right? That’s how this works, right?

It’s a good thing this is Coldharbour, where apparently anything goes, and won’t affect anything back in Tamriel.


	19. A bargain

There are the days that are so much fun (even while you’re laughing about the terrible things around you, but they’re the tolerable kind), and then there are the days like today, in which you just run into one tragedy after the other.

No, not tragedies. Damned injustices. Unbearable stories and outcomes. People with flaws who got unduly punished for them, people who got punished for no apparent error of their own at all. And Daedra are no forces of nature, no inevitable presences. This isn’t just people up against nature and falling over their own shortcomings. This is something that needs correction and vengeance.

I’ve no idea yet how, but Molag Bal is paying for this, and I want a hand in it.

At least a few of the Nords could get their souls restored cause they were hoarded by a minor lord who was no match for me at this point. (I really am improving, aren’t I? It’s easy to forget between all the misadventures, but I can take down minor Dremora lords now. And with Tythis at my side, we could have taken down three or four easily. Well, maybe not easily. But we could have.)

With Haman, the ancient blacksmith I found, though, I needed all the help I could get. Saw an account of his story before I got there. Well-placed by whoever. Couldn’t accept that at all. So my new shackle trick (without fire), an immobilising trap and calming spell from Tythis, cause he’s more subtle about these things cause what else would he be, and after my insistence that I’m not letting this go, Lorkhan did something to make him listen to me, just for a moment.

And well, I managed to talk him down, and he’s in the Hollow City now, too. Don’t ask me how. My Ancient Nordic is terrible, I scraped together something between modern speech and phrases from favourite poems; thankfully he wasn’t all that ancient after all so he got my meaning more or less. Or something that was different from my meaning but was good enough anyway, who even knows?

It was a strange moment, like outside of the usual flow of reality, and he hasn’t spoken since. But he’s wandering the abandoned smithy and picking things up and putting them back down, and I think he’ll be alright in time. We still have to get his soul back, that one went to Molag Bal, curse it all, so my list is growing.

Met the Groundskeeper, too. She looked a little… estranged? Dare I say amused? At all the ragged Nords I brought to the city, and said some of these arrivals were unplanned. I said she told me to rescue as many people as possible to repopulate the city.

She said she’d never said that, she’d told me to rescue as many of Meridia’s followers and members of the Mages and Fighters Guilds as possible.

I said, then I’m taking the other ones home with me, or maybe someone like my blacksmith friend at least needs his soul so he can go to Sovngarde.

Her lips twitched, just a moment, I saw it, and she said, “It is very unusual to announce harvesting people for a rival’s realm. You’ll find in time it does not win you any friends.”

“A rival’s realm?” I asked. “Oh, Sovngarde, Lorkhan, right. But you just implied Meridia doesn’t want these, so what does she care? I’m taking them off her hands.”

She shook her head. “You have much to learn.” She looked up and looked at me. In that piercing uncomfortable way like she suddenly paid me attention and knew all too much at once. Then she smiled. “Leave the Nords from the tavern here. They want to live. You take the blacksmith, if you can get his soul back from Molag Bal. Since Meridia will not care to do it, it is only fair that you should win the fruits of your efforts.”

I swear, Daedric cultists, even the pretty ones of Princes that are tolerable, have a disconcerting way about them, and of talking about people and their souls.

“I’m not sure I’m authorised to make the bargain,” I said, “but it seems reasonable to me.”

I got a little mental nudge of assent then. Lorkhan, tired, no words, not even snake gestures, just a little nudge like that. The earlier effort must have tired him out. It’s still small steps, but we’ll get there.

“Alright,” I said, “correcting myself. I’m authorised. I just hope these people are all good with that. So let’s do that. Are you authorised?”

She just smiled for a long time. Then she said, “The bargain is struck.”

There’d been something strange about that conversation (the obvious aside), and it took me a while to notice what it was. She just assumed I was speaking on behalf of Lorkhan, didn’t she? How did she do that? I mean, _reasonably_ you would assume I was just talking of Sovngarde because they’re all Nords, right? But she latched on to that.

If she’s a high-level cultist of Meridia that has her lady’s favour, that makes sense, and she would be if she gets to oversee the city.

But what did she see in me? Do they notice something? Are Meridia cultists more perceptive than the average Molag Bal ones because honestly, compared to those idiots, this is like night and day. Or did I just talk too much when I was drunk some night in the tavern? I wish I could remember.


	20. Chapter 20

Finally found Vanus. I’ve got the _distinct_ impression we share a penchant for terrible decisions and ridiculous predicaments. So we had to save him, too.

Made headway in the Planemeld issue while we were at it, but courtesy of reasons outlined just above, we also caused additional danger for, well, everything.

Can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs eh? Or a few planes, as it were.

Anyway, that’ll need fixing next.

Now, since I’m a mer of my word – at least some of the time, honour mandated that I kept up the novel additions to my spell repertoire for this mission. Two weeks aren’t over. (And I’m getting used to them, and they’re surprisingly useful, and also fun to use.)

Naturally, this was not precisely wise, and got me some elegantly raised eyebrows by Vanus and the question as to where I might have acquired that kind of spell. I reassured him it was from some Dark Seducers we’d observed during another rescue mission, and my copying them was due to a gambling wager with my friend. More raised eyebrows.

Fortunately for me, we then got swarmed by Dremora and had to concentrate on that.

I’m not going to live this down, am I?

But these spells really _are_ practical, especially with fire!


	21. Chapter 21

We rescued some more people, including some fighters guild members, notably a fun Orc named “Skordo the Knife”, who believes in strength and doesn’t believe in wearing shirts, who owes me a drink as per his own assessment. Wasn’t going to argue against that. Perhaps tonight.

And a lot of mages. Including the most charming dark elf conjurer raised on the Shivering Isles who can transform into a scamp but looks a lot prettier as a mer. Made me think of Salyn, I thought I should introduce them, bet they’d have things to talk about, but then I remembered the alternate reality thing. I’m coming to really resent this circumstance. Well, in any case he’s safe.

Also due to unusual circumstances, but what isn’t unusual down here, some Covenant villain who regrets his actions and has thorny vines protruding from his body. I don’t know nor care what his actions were, but I won a Daedric game for him and rescued him and a few more mages.

I was supposed to only take him _or_ the mages out as a reward, but I was pissed and tried threatening the Observer. Now, I know I don’t cut the most threatening figure under any circumstance and most certainly not towards a Dremora, but maybe he found me amusing. They do reward that sometimes, I’ve noticed. And he did like that I made his game entertaining, he said that.

The other choices for failed idiots to side with included a Pact necromancer I barely remember, and only from the newly imposed memories. For his part, he said he hated me but talked about how my hunger for power made us similar and I was a worthy opponent and he’d give me power and… it was a little awkward to be at the receiving end of all that emotion and resentment and mixed signals and have trouble scraping together enough memories to figure out who he even was or what I was supposed to have done to him.

On the other end of the scale, Lady Estre from the Dominion, who I remember but who didn’t remember me, of course, cause in this new version of the world we never met before. Back in the other one, I didn’t enjoy her politics even if I shared her frustration with Queen Ayrenn.

But the completely unknown Covenant vine guy was the least complicated choice with the least baggage attached, and seemed like the only one who isn’t unrepentantly evil. Now he’s going to help us against Molag Bal, and I’m supposed to help him get his soul back so he can be mortal again.

Another one on the list.

This is a good deal more responsibility than I’m used to. I’ve always only been in it for my own hide, plus rarely someone else. Now all these people rely on me.

We won’t be getting to Molag Bal this time, I don’t think, that’s going to require that amulet we’ve yet to procure. But if we can strike a blow with this army-of-sorts to give us some room to get the rest done back home… And if we can get all these people back to Nirn first of all… And then if we can succeed at the amulet business and actually make Bal give up all of those souls… Maybe they can be saved. Maybe. Lots of maybes.

I’m really not used to this.

I should get a good night’s sleep after all this trouble, but all this fretting keeps me awake. I should see if Skordo is up for paying his debt. That’s a level of responsible choice I’m more familiar with.


	22. Chapter 22

I was a little stupid there, wasn’t I? Thinking I’d be the only person in this strange city in need of a drink and company before an attack on Molag Bal’s forces. The tavern was crowded, people were sitting outside on the stairs, too, just about everyone was there.

I felt really foolish seeing them all, but it made me smile, too.

Skordo did buy me that first drink, and another, and then he said “Wood elves are supposed to be storytellers, right? Tell us a story.”

I said, “I’m not with Y’ffre anymore. Better ask another wood elf.”

He grinned. “Bad break-up?”

“In retrospect, I could have phrased that better.” The topic always brings out the gloom, so I forced a grin back. “But something like that, yeah. I’m seeing Lorkhan now.”

He snorted. “Well I don’t care who you worship, we all need to hear a story that’s not about Molag Bal, and you’re the only wood elf I can stand. So bad luck, it falls to you.”

People were already gathering around us at that point. Everyone listens to Skordo. I guess so did I in the end, cause I asked into the round what they wanted to hear.

There’s a typical mix of requests depending on the crowd, famous battles, women, trickery and misfortune… This was a nervous group on a nervous night, so nobody in their right mind would have wanted to hear about tragic battles with heroes tragically falling. Except for a few Nords who find that sort of thing uplifting. But they were outvoted.

I ended up talking of the more comical misadventures of my Maormer pirate crew, and a bawdy story that was a favourite on deck, how Lelrila the dashing Maormer captain stole Naranwe the daughter of an Altmer kinreeve, and their ensuing adventures. Some kinds of stories just always work.

And would you know, Vanus was there, and was amused, too. Didn’t drink as much as most of us, but had his wine.

When it got late, and some stragglers were still about and unable to face going home to their own thoughts, he was still there. In fact, by that point it was only mages. The fighters were smart enough to sleep it off. But if you rely on your mind, your mind becomes your worst enemy on nights like these.

Inevitably, the demand for another story came up, and Vanus pointed out, “You never got around to telling me more about where those spells are from.”

There I thought I’d slipped away from that. “Didn’t I tell you enough?”

“Only just enough to make it clear there’s an interesting story there.”

“Now I have to, don’t I?” I looked around. You see, the problem with displaying reluctance like that is that you create all the more interest in the thing you’re reluctant to tell. I sighed. “Alright, alright. Now. To all of you present here. This stays in Coldharbour. Once we’re all back in Tamriel, or whatever better place, if people ask you, this is ancient Akaviri dragon magic.”

The scattering of present mages gave an entirely unconvincing round of promises to keep the silence, and so I told the story.

When I was done, one of them said, “So that’s what we’ll be relying on to lead the charge tomorrow.”

“You did ask,” I said.

“So I did,” the mage said, “so I did.”

“If you think it’s not good enough,” I said, “you can duel me to find out. Want to try?”

His cheek twitched. “On second thought, maybe I’ll rather trust you.”

I looked over to Vanus, who still seemed rather amused. “See what you did, now they’re all discouraged.”

Vanus then was courteous enough to step up and express his trust in my abilities and that he’d seen my skills at work and was most impressed, and then he looked like he was saying too much and added that I had, after all, made a small contribution to his rescue when he found himself in an unforeseen situation. If you know Vanus, you know that’s high praise, and most of these people seem to know Vanus. So the situation was deflated.

Before there could be more doubt sown, I said, “But that’s all too much talk of tomorrow. Tomorrow doesn’t exist tonight. Let’s have something else.” I was getting hoarse at that point, but I’d end this night on a good note if it killed me.

Telenger expressed an interest in more racy pirate stories, and that certainly met general approval.

The crowd thinned further, till we were just a few of us left, still restless.

“Does anyone here have anything that’ll make me rested tomorrow?” I asked at some point. “Or is that too much of a miracle to ask?”

Vanus took issue with that redundant question as it should be obvious that _nothing_ is too much of a miracle to ask of him.

So as I’m writing, I’m waiting for a miracle potion.

The guild hall is so much nicer than the inn. Almost too bad that in a few hours nothing will matter anymore, or I’d have to consider joining the guild after all if just for this privilege.


	23. Chapter 23

For the few hours that I slept, I was out like a rock. Now it’s morning. Well, it was morning when I fell asleep, or rather almost passed out from that potion. Now it’s _officially_ morning, where you can’t ignore the fact any longer.

All the worries are back.

I don’t know what has me convinced we’re all going to die today, but something does.

Makes me want to document every remaining moment. On the other hand, what if we survive after all? Bad idea.

I wish something in all of this mess of a life could have meant more.


	24. Correction.

Lorkhan means something.

Sindir meant something.

Salyn means something.

Whatever mad scheme Salyn is hatching has at least the potential to mean something in a potential future should I make it there. And if I don’t make it there, at least I had a brother for a few weeks since he declared it. One that isn’t a power-hungry cultist, that is. Well. He’s a Sheogorath cultist who’s planning things that I won’t write down but that are certainly not in the meekly lying down and awaiting your fate kind of category. But you know what I mean, he’s the good kind of power-hungry cultist. And even if he wasn’t, he likes me and I like him, and sometimes that’s enough, too.

But I can’t say it’s _enough_. I haven’t had enough.

I don’t want to die.


	25. Chapter 25

A god widely proclaimed dead, a pirate I saw die, and a sorcerer living in another reality.

This is what gives me hope and what I cling to.

So be it then.


	26. Chapter 26

You know. Mysteries.

I’m very fond of Vanus.

I’m very _un_ fond of vampires.

Then why’d I have to side with the vampires in the conflict here?

Damned conscience. Never does one a lick of good.

Except, I mean. He’s not looking for me to be one of his little followers, precisely, is he. I’m just used to that from people I respect less. Perhaps he’ll get over it.

I should let him cool down by… annoying him more and looking around the area for more unlikely recruits and/or rescues.

Besides, what am I even doing here, acting like any of this will matter once we get through this? Any of these petty quarrels, worries, fleeting attachments born from circumstance, ideological disputes between honestly all-around reprehensible options? This is still Coldharbour, and it’d do me good to remember that.

And nothing will matter or not matter and it won’t even matter if anything mattered or not if we don’t make it out alive at all. And for making it out alive we need … damn it, I want to say allies, but what I really mean is fodder, isn’t it? That’s what this is.

This is Coldharbour, after all. Would do me good to remember that.

Hold that thought, before I questionably rescue more people to lead to their deaths, I should apologise for that stupidly high and mighty attitude. (Besides, it suits him better than me, even if we’re both the same petty villains with dark impulses underneath.) Then more recruiting.


	27. Chapter 27

Skeleton pirates! And fights on a cursed fleet of cursed ships!

A warped, twisted taste of the closest thing to home that I’ve ever had, adjusted for the locale.

You take what you can get around here.

Tythis pointed out that if this makes me nostalgic, I must be unwell, and I ought to get myself on a real ship with living people on it when we get out and are done with everything. Now there’s an idea.

Perhaps less with the piracy these days, I’m becoming a little too known with all this going on. But maybe something skirting honest work.

I told him, “You know what would have saved these people?”

“Do enlighten me,” he said.

“See, the cursed treasure cursed them in turn, and they turned into cursed skeletons.”

“So far, I’m following you,” he said, “although I’m not quite sure where.”

“Well, if these pirates had had a skilled banker, they wouldn’t have been so in need of treasure, and they could have kept a cool head and not taken the cursed gold. No curse, no skeletons. See?”

He gave his thin, rare smile. “I think I see. I’ll consider it.”

Meanwhile, Vanus has calmed down. I’m relieved. The vampires are behaving themselves, and he’s starting to see the sense in what I’m trying to do. See, petty villains with low impulses understand each other in the end.

Except, there’s a new predicament, and there’s an offer of help from a lady with a temperament whose acquaintance my blurry memory claims I’ve made in Shadowfen. She certainly seems to remember me.

She’s a Dremora.

Vanus is clearly not thrilled. Might this be taking things a little too far? But Laloriaran, the shining textbook-talking Ayleid king, wants to enlist her help, and surely this counts for something? No, it doesn’t. It’s my word that has to count for something, or nothing at all. I’m still not used to that.

The answer is, I want help. I want to live. That’s all, that’s what it comes down to. I want to live, I want my soul back, cause it’s not mine, and it’s certainly not Molag Bal’s, it’s Lorkhan’s, but to give it away, I first have to get it back.

And I suppose even in this place and in these moods, there are people I want to save and whose souls I want to get back, too. Need to live for that, too.

So the Dremora’s help it is.

I told Vanus, “Suppose I want you to live, too.”

His face and gestures said a lot of things and argued against them at the same time, and then he said, “Fine. But if this creature…” and so on.

So, assent.


	28. Chapter 28

Well, we didn’t die today. That’s cause everything is taking longer than expected. No less draining, though.

We’ve taken over part of a citadel, with some help from Lyranth the Dremora.

I’m done for today. Don’t remember when I was last this tired. I’m going on barely any sleep anyway.

I didn’t manage to pay enough attention to remember what this citadel even is, and so I’m not sure what Molag Bal needs a mages guildhall for, but there is one, and we’re holed up in that for the night.

Vanus wants me to take on the commander of the citadel himself; now that’s a show of trust if I’ve ever seen one, and I’m flattered but also completely wiped out.

A few hours of rest. Some food. You know you’re starving when you’re tempted by the meat the Dremora have lying around their experimental altars despite knowing fully well what it’ll be and despite having sworn to yourself you’ll never do that again. Please someone cook me something. Or give me something I can cook myself, but I’m so tired.

So food, and getting my thoughts off all this long enough for me to manage to fall asleep, and just a few hours of rest. That would be perfect. Then I’ll slay any Dremora commanders you want me to.

* * *

I made my demands just now.

Vanus looked surprised, then relented. “Of course,” he said, “I forget an inexperienced mage such as you exhausts easily.”

I could mention the Black Forge. I could, but I won’t. I don’t think I have to. I don’t think it’s left his mind often.

He looked around as if unsure what to do. Then he said, “Well, since we’re already being held up, I suppose I might catch some rest as well.”

“We’ve got a long day ahead,” I said. “Unless we don’t cause we die partway in. But let’s assume the best.”

He pursed his lips and sat down. “I shall lend you company, then.” He’s nervous. Always fidgeting. This is a number above his usual challenges, too, I reckon.

* * *

There was still no food being made. The other mages that came through the portal have swarmed out to take over the citadel. But I’m so tired. So I ventured, “That miracle potion last night. That was good. I don’t need anything like that now, doubt there’d be the ingredients, but how are your cooking skills?”

He looked at me, I swear he looked almost offended.

“I don’t need a miracle,” I said, “I’d be happy with just some stale bread and charred leeks or something, anything. Just… don’t let me eat what the Dremora have around.”

He looked me over. “I sense another story.”

“Yeah. Not a pleasant one.” I shook my head. “But I don’t want to pull this. It’s not the point. I’m just… really hungry and really tired.”

After a moment he clapped his hands together and got up. “Well, that would be unbecoming. So would stale bread and charred leeks, when you’re in the presence of the Arch Mage. Have you ever considered that cooking is simply another form of alchemy?”

“That’s what I was hoping for,” I said.

“Then I can’t disappoint your trust.”

He’s looking around for ingredients. Seems like there’ll be dinner after all.


	29. Chapter 29

Daedric commander slain, Lyranth has her revenge and is happy, so are her followers. Didn’t think I’d be cheered by Daedra one day, I’ll be honest.

And Tythis and I emerged victorious, with the key for the next step of the assault.

And they were all waiting for us already.

Now here is the problem: What ‘all’ means. In this case it meant a lot more people than I’d counted on, and a lot more than I wanted to be there.

I know, I know, there goes my attempt at talking cold hard facts about using most of them as fodder. I know that’s what we’re doing. But not all of these, what were these idiots even doing coming out here? They were supposed to stay back safe at the Hollow City!

They want me to pick someone, one or two people to lead the charge. Alright. I don’t feel at ease in dangerous situations without Tythis around, and he knows, and agreed. One more. They say one or two, you take two.

But first I had to talk to Vanus. Again. We’ve been doing plenty of talking about it all, but there had to be more now. So I went up to him, asked him if he’d come along. Of course he couldn’t, he’s busy with battlefield logistics of the kind only he can do, and I knew that, and he knew that I knew, but he said a surprising thing after all. Besides acting totally unsurprised that I’d ask him since he’d be the obvious choice. He also said he may join me later. That one I didn’t expect.

Then I said we had to talk. He, in turn, was surprised at that, since we’ve done all our talking and things should be clear, but I had to insist and make it where we’re not overheard. I said, “You’re the only one I can trust. The only one I can tell, and the only one who can help me.” So we went to a place further off everyone else.

He was fidgety and impatient before the assault, so I got straight to the point.

“I know what we’re doing here,” I said. “I know we’re sending a lot of people to die today. We both know that.”

He nodded. “Are you uncomfortable with the truth? It’s too late for that. But if it eases your mind, I can…”

“It doesn’t matter if I’m comfortable. I know what we’re doing, and I have my part in it. Don’t worry about that.”

He looked relieved at that.

I could guess his thoughts, so I added, “I know my part, and it’s not your burden alone, alright? I’m inexperienced compared to you, but I’m not an idiot, and I’m partly in charge of this. And we’ve talked about it.”

He nodded. “Frank, and not prone to denial. I appreciate that about you. Then?”

“Some of these people. There are more here than I expected. Some I didn’t want here.”

“I see. Which ones?”

I had to smile. “You get really practical really fast; I appreciate that about you.” Turned serious again. “There are some I rescued out of sentimentality. Some I made more substantial promises to than the others. Two of the Dunmer mages reminded me of my adopted brother. Gadris, and Malkur. I’d be really distraught. The blacksmith, Haman, his story upset me, and I ended up in a strange situation bargaining over his soul. We’ve still got to get it back. That can’t be a waste either. I can’t allow them to die, or get themselves trapped here after all. Can you try to make sure they live?”

“Three. Two mages are easy for me to command. A blacksmith, well, I can take command over him as a civilian. It shouldn’t be questioned.”

“No time for anyone to waste arguing over that, right?”

“Correct. Your banker friend will be under your wing?”

I smiled a bit. “Or the other way round. Yeah. If we get separated, though…”

“Don’t worry.”

“Thank you. And of course you’ll take care of yourself, right? Shouldn’t have to say that, but I want to anyway.”

Vanus gave a thin smile. “I’ll do my best.”

“Thank you for that, too,” I said. “Then… Let’s make it out of here?”

“Let’s.”

And no more time to be wasted. I can put the sentimental worries out of my head for now, and that frees me up for battle.

Skordo is coming with me and Tythis. He wants to hit something, and who am I to deny him that?


	30. Taking a moment for last words.

About to end this. The Planemeld or ourselves or both at once.

We’re in a strange place. Vanus has kept word so far, and the specified three are still alive, and not in the middle of this final thing here either. Him and Tythis are alive, too. So are a few more I’m glad to see. Many others didn’t make it. Who knows if we will? But just for now I’m grateful.

Now guess what. The pretty Breton lady? The “Groundskeeper”? Meridia. And I didn’t get it till she told me. Right before the final assault, too. Fucking…

She was incredulous that I hadn’t caught on. Excuse me, I had a few other things on my mind. That, and I suspect I’m dense.

And what’s the first thing I did when we met? Hit on her. Yeah, that was very smart. Very, very, very smart.

So I apologised for that, and she said, “Are you still on about that?”

So I’d just made things worse. Tried to salvage it. I said, “I just wanted to apologise. And this isn’t the kind of time when there should be hard feelings.” Pointing at all the destruction ahead. “Anyway, you were right then, it wouldn’t be a good idea.” Tried a winning smile, but I know I must’ve just looked like an idiot.

“It would have been the worst idea,” she said. “So let’s just forget about it.”

A boulder of relief fell off me – no, that’s not how that saying goes, is it, but I’ve got no time to think of a better one – and then she shook her head and muttered, “Someone save us from your kind.”

“Well, to be fair,” I said, “Molag Bal is trying just that.”

Her face turned hard then. “He won’t succeed. And he won’t notice until it’s too late.”

Won’t notice… “By my kind,” I said, “you don’t mean mortals or mer or anything like that, do you?”

“Of course not,” she said. “Now say your goodbyes, associate of Lorkhan, whatever you’ll become, and let’s end this.”

So if anyone finds this and I didn’t make it because Meridia decided to look the other way or smite me with a spear of light or something after all, that’s my fault.

If I didn’t make it for any other reason, that’s alright, too, I guess. It was a good life after all, even if most of it was awful.

Lorkhan protect me.


	31. We’re alive.

The Planemeld is ended. And we’re alive.

Some of us, that is.

Sometimes you save someone, and you come to like them, and you reflect on how you wouldn’t want it to be a waste, and you want them to continue living, and then they die, and you can’t save them a second time.

My textbook-talking Ayleid king is dead.

So are many others.

But for this one in particular, Molag Bal will pay.

I wondered, if I’d named him…

Wondered in private, in another Mages Guild hall, in Mournhold, in locked quarters.

Vanus said, “You’ve given me a manageable task. On top of the other one we all had that was much less manageable, that is. Two mages and a blacksmith, I could do.” He was silent for a while, so was I. An Ayleid king in charge of the Fighters Guild would have been impossible to direct and save, and we both knew.

Eventually, he added, “You were well aware. With your list, you gave me a chance to succeed. And I would have hated to disappoint you.”

“You didn’t,” I said, swallowing the tears that kept threatening to well up. “You didn’t, and you don’t.” It got hard to speak, so I had to put in a pause myself. “Thank you,” I added when I could.

“You’re welcome. If you need anything, or if you want to talk, don’t hesitate to call on me anytime. Both of our lives are likely to be long, but rest assured, the offer won’t expire.”

“Same to you.”

And we fell silent again and eventually talked of more practical matters. Everything said that needed to be said.

There it goes. All that talk of the big picture, all the steeling yourself for sacrificing others for the greater good, and what do you end up talking and writing and trying not to cry about? A few people.

Tythis is safe. Vanus is safe. Malkur and Gadris and Haman are safe and thinking of settling in Mournhold, Mages Guild for the mages, and Skordo has talked the Fighters Guild into accepting Haman as one of their local blacksmiths. He’s a genius with ancient techniques, after all. And they reward loyalty. Skordo is safe. A few others besides.

Tythis is out in the more elegant of disreputable corner clubs scouting out the political and financial situation around here. It’s been a long time since he’s been on Nirn, after all. He won’t say how long. Of course not. But he wants to continue our collaboration, of which I’m infinitely glad.

I’ve got to get to the Harbourage soon, follow up with my incognito royal entourage to end Molag Bal once and for all and win back some souls, my own, Haman’s, countless people’s… And I suspect Tythis’s. The biggest debt, if I’m guessing right, though he won’t confirm or deny it. Of course not.

Vanus is being swamped by news of crises all over and has to leave soon.

Another thing to knot up my stomach, but I always knew. And a friend somewhere in Tamriel is good.

“There’s something,” I said.

“Just say the word,” he replied.

“For now… I’m not in the best of states. I don’t know about you.”

“I can’t deny I feel similar.”

“I’d like to… not deal with any of that out there for a while yet. Couple of days maybe, a week maybe, recover, let it all sink in. Not function for any of them. You know?”

“Sometimes that is a wise course of action,” Vanus said.

“Or inaction, as it were.”

“Or that. Now that you say it, people rely on me, and they need me to be in peak condition to solve their problems.”

“Right?” I said. “Same with me. And the people I’m dealing with are very demanding, very difficult, with very high standards. And tremendous problems.”

“Isn’t that always true?”, said as a sigh.

“You could hide me here. It’d be a great favour. Maybe lend me company? As a favour for everyone else?”

“Well, I owe these crises my undivided attention. In a week or so, when I can give it. Speaking of favours.”

I raised my eyebrows. “That was quick.”

“I was approached by several members of the Mages Guild about the style of combat magic that you use. It’s caught some attention and impressed some people. They asked me if I’d taught you. As it turns out, we’ve been seen together a lot, and they expect a certain influence.”

I grinned. “The more legitimate spells or the less legitimate ones?”

“All of them. As it turns out, it comes across as a unified set to people. Must be the entirely unsubtle blanket of fire you put them all under, but people like to be fooled by flash and fire, it’s always the same. I had to admit I had nothing to do with teaching you. So I told them it was all Ancient Akaviri dragon knight magic, just with some spells being more overt in their draconic references and some more obscure and subtle. A few mages have expressed an interest in studying it.”

It may be hard to imagine in situations like this one, but there are always things that can make you laugh.


	32. Chapter 32

Fine, I’ll write again. Life’s got to go on.

We didn’t arrive at the Harbourage too much later than if we’d just gone straight away, cause my illustrious company taught me some portal essentials. Also made me wish I didn’t have to use it, but these things often go together. The ones who teach me the best things always leave.

The royal entourage was congratulatory about ending the Planemeld and seemed eager to finish the rest of the job. They were also more than a little estranged by my bringing Tythis.

Abnur said, “If I’d known this was going to be a social outing, I’d have brought my wife.”

I said, “I thought you liked necromancers.”

Abnur said, “If I’d known this was a going to be a social outing involving necromancers, I’d have brought my wife.”

I grinned and then explained that I’d picked up Tythis in Coldharbour, and he was officially my banker but also a brilliant mage that had saved my life down there on more than one occasion and could be trusted for secrecy, and there was no way I’d face Molag Bal or his minions without him at my side if I could help it.

Abnur sighed and said, “A banker from Coldharbour. Well, it’s not as if I could judge his background too much.”

And with that it was decided.

We visited Sai’s childhood place, too dry for my taste, and too full of creatures controlled by Mannimarco, too.

Due to this being a social outing involving necromancers after all, we also had to fight some of the most legendary Redguard swordspeople, and would you guess, we prevailed, and I actually held my own against them. Tougher challenge than some Daedra, but doable now.

Tythis was very helpful, though he was clearly restraining his use of spells to the more tactful part of his repertoire. I’ve seen different ones before.

My own use of spells got some attention from my companions, too.

Sai and Lyris seemed puzzled still.

But of course, when Abnur and I were off in another corner of the tomb, he said, “Picked up a few more things in Coldharbour, did you?”

He’d know. I had to admit it. “We had to rescue someone from a Seducer party. Then there was a bet, and now these got stuck in my repertoire. Getting used to them. Can you do me a favour?”

“That depends.”

“I got Vanus Galerion to officially say it’s Ancient Akaviri dragon knight magic. Could you not spoil it?”

He raised an eyebrow. “Ah. The ancient arts of war from Akavir. A shame so many are lost in obscurity. Good of you to recover some of them.”

“Thank you. I mean, some of this actually is.”

“Oh, I know.”

“You would know. Right.”

“Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me. Now shall we get back to these honoured dead?”

And so I’ve got a ring now to get an amulet. I’m back with Varen. Good thing they decided the little wood elf won’t be any use clearing up the wreckage in the desert. Looking like I do does have its uses.


	33. This is one of those entries that are difficult to explain.

Let’s start at the location: Sancre Tor. The people who care about Imperial sorts of things have more of a connection to it, but it was an honour to get there nevertheless, and Alessia did end the Ayleid rule, and I appreciate her for that.

The mission: Retrieve the Amulet of Kings, or Chim-el Adabal. Or, allegedly, Lorkhan’s blood. Now that part is personal.

It turned out pretty clearly that we’d have to face Mannimarco if we wanted it, and Mannimarco was being really embarrassingly loud about his plans to betray Molag Bal. Abnur made one little comment, and it was like the flood gates were opened, and he wouldn’t shut up about it anymore.

Look, I’m a bad schemer, but even I know better than that.

So it also became clear we’d probably have to kill him.

First I was terrified, then I remembered all we’d accomplished. And I did have Tythis with me, and while I don’t know how they match up, I’d have bet for Tythis to be able to give him a scare at the very least. And I haven’t been doing so badly lately, either. And my companions are alright, too, I suppose. (Kidding of course. Abnur’s great.)

I had to think about Vanus, and some things he’d mentioned, and I had to wonder if he’d be upset once he found out. I’d still have to do it, but it nagged at me.

Then we were in this labyrinth of a graveyard, and I got stuck in a shrubbery cell on my own, and something ghostly yanked at me, and I passed out. Saw a vision, a possible future. Concerning what’d happen if Mannimarco lived. And I surmised that for my Archmage friend’s sake, I’d have to take out Mannimarco as finally as possible.

But how finally can you do it with a necromancer, and also: How final would Molag Bal allow me to make it, with Mannimarco crowing all over about his plans like a rooster on a pile of manure, which by the way, this decaying graveyard of a city… you get my meaning.

They found me, then, and shook me properly awake, and dragged me onwards.

Lorkhan, I thought, what can we do?

There was no more vision as such, I guessed that my patron was exhausted by the last one, those tend to do that. But what there was was a ghostly voice saying ‘down’, and a nudge at the amulet, and as I ducked and got into cover, prompting my companions to falter, the blood in my veins ran hotter, and there was a sensation of someone directing my attention to it, and then the voice again, ‘You won’t need it later, but take it now.’

And then nothing. Exhausted.

Well, damn it, I thought, I could use some more help, but none was forthcoming, so I had to guess and improvise.

I whispered to my companions, “Distract him, pretend to negotiate,” and snuck up to the amulet, while thankfully Abnur started doing just that, with the other two staying at a distance.

Equally thankfully, Mannimarco just loves attention, so he fell for it. How did he ever think to become the next god of schemes?

I was about to lay my hands on the amulet, but had to ask after all. ‘Lorkhan, if this is your blood. Is it alright if I take it?’

With some difficulty, a voice came back to my consciousness: ‘You already have it. Use it.’

I had no idea what to do. But I decided Mannimarco should not exist anymore, in as final a manner as possible, and I grabbed the amulet. It turned hot in my palm, and before I could drop it, I was paralysed, and my vision swam, and while I stepped outside the situation and pushed my will upon what was there, I started seeing a lot of things overlaid on top of each other, and then nothing, and I fell, and I heard Molag Bal shouting something, and was picked up by Sai (I know cause of the beard) and carried somewhere, and then I was out.

Woke up in the Harbourage.

Snake wrap was first. The ghostly one around my waist, the small Sindir one around my arm. That was so soothing I fell back asleep.

Woke up again, this time for good.

Sai said, “You had us all worried.”

Abnur said, “Well, I don’t know what you did, but Mannimarco is gone. Not even Molag Bal can find him. Something to do with the amulet, perhaps?”

“Yeah,” I croaked. Barely a voice.

“Interesting,” Abnur said. “I wonder, does it have something to do with…”

“My patron,” I said. I was feverish and did not know good judgment at that moment, if I ever know anyway. “But more importantly, speaking of the amulet. Varen. Abnur. I’ve seen the leaders of the alliances in their attempt at diplomacy. And their attempt at getting an invasion to work. They’re a joke. This isn’t working. I won’t need this thing after what we’re going to do.” I held up the amulet, which was still clutched in my hand, and I didn’t let go of it yet. “Once we’re done here. We can bring Varen back out and take it all back. You had a good idea there.”

Varen gave a tired sigh and shook his head, and explained why it wouldn’t work, and why his time was through.

Lyris tried to convince him of his continued relevance and all he’d done for the Empire, but didn’t refute his claim that it was pointless now.

Sai actually said it was pointless.

Abnur said nothing, just looked thoughtful.

Later when there was general moving around and making plans, I pulled Abnur aside, amulet still in my hand. “You care about the Empire,” I said, “and you’re smart, and you know how to get things done. When this is over, do you want it?”

He raised his eyebrows. “You’ve changed since Coldharbour.”

“Doesn’t everyone?” I asked.

“True. But not always for the better. What brought this about? Really the incompetence of the alliance leaders?”

“Yes and no. Yes, and then in that whole thing in Coldharbour, the leaders that actually did anything were Vanus Galerion and King Laloriaran Dynar, and well, me, too. The Ayleid king is dead, and I’m still mad about that, and I can’t make Vanus emperor; he wouldn’t want it, and I can see why an Altmer on the Ruby Throne would set a bad precedent. I don’t want Ayrenn there, either. If you happen to know someone better…”

“Well, not me,” he said. He seemed to think about it for a while. “It may be a matter for future generations, truth be told. I’m loath to admit it, but chances for this time are slim. And my wife and I don’t intend to stay after this. She wants to move to Artaeum, and I’ve already agreed.”

“You and Artaeum? That’s interesting. Well, here is another thing.” I was still speaking in a fever haze. “I’m no Sai Sahan. And I bet you aren’t either. And I don’t want that fate on anyone anyway. Best is if neither of us knows where it is, if we can’t use it, and nobody could get the idea that we might know, either. Is there a way to make it disappear randomly or…”

“That’s almost the same as what Diesala said. She doesn’t want us holding on to it.”

“Wise woman. Well… Well, damn. This is difficult.”

“If it disappears at the end of this,” Abnur said, “and you won’t have any idea where it is. Will you be alright with that?”

“I will, yeah. My patron says I don’t need it after this. So I just want to be rid of it if it can’t help us beyond… whatever we’re doing here.”

“Then don’t worry about it anymore. A suggestion may have fallen before.”

“Alright.”

And that was that. And now I have to pass out for a while again, I think.


	34. Chapter 34

What the fuck have I even done?

I’m awake. I don’t know if it’s morning, but there’s a bit of that barely daylight-resembling light that we get in this Daedric shrine ruin in fashionably dark Dunmer style when it’s daytime out there.

And I have the worst headache I’ve had since I did that thing that made me a member of the Ebonheart Pact and gave me the Akaviri dragon magic, I mean the real Akaviri dragon magic.

I had a terrible headache the morning after I took on the fake Akaviri dragon magic, too, but that was all the sujamma I’d had that night.

This one was spent sober, though it certainly doesn’t feel like it.

So I erased Mannimarco from… reality? It’s reality, isn’t it? Oh well, I erased all my work for the Dominion from reality before, along with my archery skills and my shadows that crept around me since I’d gotten into that magic back then. So why not a single necromancer?

Still.

Did I actually tell Varen to go reveal himself and conquer Tamriel again and finish the job this time?

And then I promised the amulet to Abnur as long as I didn’t have to know what he did with it? That’s somehow the most plausible of these things.

I may have been sober last night, but I think I need a drink now.


	35. Chapter 35

The Companions wanted to do their preparations and decided I wasn’t needed for that, and so I decided in turn I’d try to get some more divine help. This is a Daedric Prince, and we’re a few completely outmatched people.

My memories informed me that I was Hand of Almalexia after helping her and the Tribunal out earlier, so I took a portal back to Mournhold and applied for an audience at the Temple. They were actually welcoming. And she actually deigned to see me. Figure that.

She asked me into her audience chamber, sent out everybody including the guards, and closed the doors remotely with her divine powers cause I guess gods can’t help but show off once in a while.

“You come here seeking my aid?” she asked. She was floating at the time.

“I am,” I said, and laid out our plan against Molag Bal, just leaving out the names of the companions. She knew them anyway, of course. I made a polite try, can’t fault me for her being a goddess.

“A bold plan,” she said.

“Honestly, it’s other people’s plan, I barely know what I’m doing. I’m just supposed to execute some large parts of it, and I’m feeling out of my depth.”

“Honesty,” she said, “how rare. Then I will ask you for honesty about something else.” She sat down on a pillow, on a pedestal above me of course. “You’re the one who keeps messing with time here, aren’t you?”

Of course that knocked the air right out of me for a moment. But alright. I had ventured into Almalexia’s den seeking aid, and she wanted honesty in return. She’d get honesty. “You’re the first one who caught me. I kept waiting for it, but nobody did.”

She gave a pleased smile at that. “That doesn’t surprise me. Well, it did get you on my side.”

“I wanted to be,” I said. “Well, for the sake of honesty, I wasn’t specifically thinking of the Tribunal at the time, but I have a friend on the side of the Pact, who… honestly ended up very loyal to you all. And he could live with himself, while I couldn’t, and I wanted to be on that side. That’s why. So in a roundabout way, I wanted to be here.”

“Shall I tell you a secret?” She leaned forward, not waiting for my answer. She lowered her voice to a conspiratorial murmur, but it still had its edge. “Vivec kept trying to do that kind of thing before he ascended to godhood. He always failed.”

This was dangerous territory, of course, you can’t talk to all gods like I do to my patron, that’s different. Can’t sound dismissive. But I had to grin anyway. And I can’t keep my mouth shut. Rarely can. “So all the writing he did… I always admired that.”

She waved it off. “He wishes. Godhood gave him some of what he wanted, but he’s still dissatisfied. Why he’d be so hung up about that I don’t have to understand. I do understand you worship Lorkhan and took the amulet that’s said to be his blood.”

Quick change of direction. “You do know a lot. Figures, I suppose.” I had a thought. “Also means you pay more attention than some other gods, doesn’t it?”

“I know the threat my world is under. Did you use the amulet for something?”

“Honestly I’m not sure. It’s rarely _just_ me doing these things. More… a collaboration, and I end up surprised by the result. But I did do something, and it may have helped. Got permission beforehand, too. Now that’s a _lot_ of honesty you’re getting.”

“You know that we used the heart. That’s how Vivec partially succeeded. But only partially.”

Right. The part that I’d tried not to pay too much attention to. “Always so violent. Maybe if it had occurred to him to just ask…”

She laughed. “Don’t tell him that. He’s a sensitive poet.” That was a sneer I saw there, I’m very sure. Just for a moment.

“Of course he is, “I said.

“A god doesn’t just ask,” she continued. “A god commands, and takes what he wants.”

“No matter if it’s less effective,” I said. I really need to learn to be quiet sometimes.

But she laughed again. “Even then. We’re bound by our roles. I have a thought you may be one of the most dangerous mortals of this era, and I like to have you on my side. I’d aid you directly, but we’re stretched thin, as well. My brothers both needed help. Vivec asked, Sotha Sil didn’t, of course. Vivec had to deal with a crisis of his own, but he’s still recovering, and then he sent his champion over to our brother. Along with Divayth Fyr.” Her nose wrinkled in distaste. “They and Vivec think I didn’t notice and I didn’t see them meeting in this very Temple. Very well. But I don’t know if it’s enough.”

I felt a tingle of awareness at the back of my head. Nothing certain, but words spoken, and a confusing vision from that first time I’d changed this time. “Vivec’s champion, who’s that?”

“You know something about the situation then?”

“Trying to figure that out.”

“A Dres girl, another Daedra expert apparently, which is what they need there. I’m surprised at the choice of House Dres, but it’s a solid choice considering. They’re loyal without expecting special treatment for every trifle like House Indoril does.”

“Dres and Daedra,” I muttered, “but a girl… Do you have a name?”

“Is there something wrong with a woman doing that in your mind?”

“What? No, thinking aloud, saying too much. It’s not that.”

“Saliah Darovi. Ring a bell?”

I bit my lips but had to grin anyway.

She showed me a projection. That was most certainly a female version of Salyn.

“What do you know?” she asked.

“So I see visions sometimes. Of alternate events.”

“Visions.” A sceptical edge in her voice. Either she was dismissing it, or she knew I was saying too little. Dangerous either way.

“You know what, honesty you want, honesty you get.” My heart was racing. I could be making a momentous mistake. “Sometimes those visions talk to me, and we befriend each other. Really just the one. In that one, this lady is a gentleman, but the rest seems the same. That’s the friend because of whom I’m here.”

She arched her eyebrows. “You see, this person has been writing tractates against the Tribunal. You called your friend loyal.”

“Oh he talked a lot, though honestly not against you or Sotha Sil, he was always targeting Vivec with his venom. But from all I know, he helped out all three of you, solved the Vvardenfell crisis on his own, and…” I grinned. “I wouldn’t worry about your other brother.”

“If you’re implying anything, don’t bother. Sotha Sil doesn’t do that.”

“Doesn’t do what?”

“Anyone.”

I snorted.

“He doesn’t take mortal lovers, he doesn’t take any lovers, he locks himself in with his theories and his machines. He barely acts like a living person, mer _or_ god.”

Now that was interesting. And there was a note of frustration in her voice. But I’d seen what I’d seen. “Want to take a bet?”

She peered at me. “So your advice would be to leave the situation alone.”

Careful now. I didn’t see enough. “I don’t know that much in detail. Visions and conjecture, not very exact. And I don’t want any of you to come to harm cause I predicted something wrongly. For saving your brother, if they can’t handle it, better to be ready and jump in, right? But at least, for Vivec’s champion, I’m very certain I can vouch for her loyalty. To all of you, despite the bark.” Another thought. “You care about the bark, right? Doesn’t look good? But give it time, the one I know… That’s the person I trust most in all the world, and I don’t trust people easily. Not completely. And he gets friendlier once he likes you. Will make it look better, too. I bet same goes for her, no difference there, right?”

She pushed herself off her pillow and floated upwards again. “Is that the advice of you or Lorkhan?”

“Maybe a bit of both. Lots of instinct. But the personal part is mine.”

She floated downwards again, met me eye to eye. “This I say in confidence. I hope I can trust you. I’m not in a capacity to go up against Molag Bal. I will leave this task to you. But I will have you go with my blessing, if you’ll have it. We both have an interest in his plans being thwarted.”

‘That’s alright, isn’t it?’ I asked Lorkhan. Just in case. Didn’t want to cause god competition.

‘That’s alright and interesting,’ came the whisper back in my mind.

I smiled. “I’ll gladly take that. You know, I’ve been plenty frustrated at the alliance leaders lately. I’ve been thinking, if we’d had you in charge of the Pact, the invasion of Coldharbour could have gone as intended.”

She looked pleased again. “Of course. It was unfortunate timing.”

So I’ve got the blessing of Almalexia now, which memory tells me can be extremely helpful in battle, and I hope I didn’t mess anything up completely.

And I can’t wait to see Salyn’s face when I tell him about his alternate version.


	36. Chapter 36

I took a portal to the Harbourage. Still nothing, they’re still working on their plans and their ritual and won’t talk about it and insisted I prepare elsewhere.

So I took another portal back to Mournhold. It’s an interesting city. I like exploring it outside of vague memories that never quite feel real enough.

Tythis has established himself in the trader and finance circles there by now, got his own room, is studying “the currents”, whatever that means. He says we should consider investing in real estate, but only once we know if that’ll be worth anything after the Molag Bal mission, or if we need “liquid assets” to flee as far away as we can. Between the currents and the liquids, there’s sure a lot of river imagery there. But he seems to be enjoying himself, so that’s good. He needs to have a good life.

He took me to that one corner club he visits, too, the one his kind of people frequent. I admitted I hadn’t been to many, and hadn’t paid much attention.

He gave that tiny half smile when we entered and said, “I apologise, I’m afraid it can’t hold up to Coldharbour’s exacting standards of entertainment, but you may find it enjoyable nevertheless.”

I looked around. “True, but they certainly try, don’t they? And this is where you talk numbers and ‘currents’?”

“Occasionally. Most venues are closer to what you would expect from any tavern. Such as the one you stay in, under Nord ownership. This is one of the more… sophisticated ones. And as a piece of advice: When certain people are among themselves, they talk.”

Salyn mentions corner clubs a good deal. I’m going to have some questions for him next time we talk.


	37. Chapter 37

Still nothing at the Harbourage. Back to Mournhold again.

It’s been weeks now.

But today as I was sitting in the grass just enjoying some fresh air and a book, I got a projection from a priestess of Almalexia, who said her lady wanted to speak to me and to come to the Temple at once.

You don’t let Almalexia wait, so I went.

Same deal as before, everyone was sent out of the audience chamber, doors locked, goddess floating.

“I see no progress being made on your mission,” she said. “Have you lost interest?”

Not good. “Not at all, but my companions keep stalling. Something’s complicated, I don’t know.”

“They do not involve you in their work?”

“No, they want me away from it in fact. I’m just supposed to execute whatever they do come up with in the end.” I didn’t realise how disgruntled I was at the situation until I heard my own voice there.

“And you don’t know what it’s about.”

I shook my head. “Something about the ritual.”

“You are a mage. Out of all of them, you are the one who remade your reality two times.”

“They don’t know that. Well, they have an idea about the second time. Or at least some of them do. The first one, they don’t know.”

“Yet they don’t involve you.”

I bit my lip. This was embarrassing and unpleasant, and I felt scolded like a boy and wanted to make better excuses, but really, I didn’t have any, and that frustrated me even more. This situation _was_ nonsense.

Almalexia floated to her cushion on her pedestal and sat down and leaned forward and down to me. I awaited another interesting bit of information. And I was right, though not in a way I could have hoped.

“Go there and tell them to stop stalling and trying the impossible. Somebody has to die. It is always so with grand magical endeavours, and you’re mortals to that.” She turned her head and gave me a side glance. “I’m cautiously counting you in the category for now. I know there is more to you, and there may be more in the future.”

A lot of information to process all at once, so I couldn’t very well, but I tried. “Someone has to die,” I repeated.

“All magic is sacrifice. The greater the magic the greater the sacrifice. And you need one. Tell them to get on with it; we don’t have time forever.”

I nodded slowly. “Someone of us.”

“Someone of them. I don’t see them choosing you; it would be impractical; even they have to see it.” She leaned in closer. “Would you like to know something?”

Again all I could do was nod.

“I got some correspondence, from Clockwork City and Vvardenfell both. The crises are solved. And you want to know what else? You won our bet.”

I broke into a grin at that. “I’m glad to hear that.”

“Sil even made a joke. I don’t know how long that’s been. You have potential, although you’re small and weak-willed now. And if Lorkhan chose you, it would be foolish to ignore you. So I will tell you something. Because I’m investing in you.”

She got up from her pillow and floated down to me, almost eye to eye but a bit higher. Well-practiced, I’m sure. “As I said: When it comes to magic or to any grand endeavour, there always has to be a sacrifice. If you keep letting others make the decisions, if you keep putting your trust in others who you think know better, sooner or later that sacrifice will be you. Don’t let it come to that. You may be safe this time, but who knows? So I have a task for you.”

“A task, huh.” My mouth was dry, and it was hard to get out any words. Fortunately, she didn’t seem to want to hear too many, either.

“Go there now, and tell them what you’ve learned, and make the decision yourself. Show them you can’t be pushed around. That’s the only way you have of making it in this world.” She floated backwards a bit, giving me space. “That’s my gift to you, as my investment and as a payment for the bet you won. You’ve pleased me with the knowledge you had. And as a further gift, and result, I will take your judgment into account and trust Vivec’s champion and Sil’s Dres lady friend for now. Perhaps if she can turn him into a semblance of a real person, some things can be better. Foolish optimism, probably. You’d better not be wrong.”

Ah, so now the whole responsibility for Almalexia trying to trust someone was on me. I smiled.

She frowned.

Quick, say something. “I’m glad that worked out. And I won’t be wrong, you’ll see. And… Thank you. I’ll… I guess I’ll go and tell them who has to die now, won’t I?”

Her look was hard but not hostile. “Good. I expect you to live and defeat Molag Bal. And once you’ve gotten your souls back, bring your friend Tythis to my Temple. He’s earned my forgiveness.”

She sure knows how to combine the strictness with the niceties so you do exactly what she wants. I’m very sure I’m being played, and I’m still following along for now cause it seems she’s right, and she seems to acknowledge when I’m right. And it seems useful for us both. Well done, Almalexia.

Lorkhan, no need for concern, I’m yours as ever and I much prefer your style.


	38. Interlude: Pages from Salyn Darovi’s journal

_[written by someone else in another time]_

So Sil and Vivec wanted to have a private talk, which is reasonable enough. I’m already impressed at how much they involved me in their regal business.

“Going to talk about me?” I asked.

Sil smiled that mysterious little smile. “Perhaps, in passing. But nothing you have to worry about.”

I grinned. “That was a joke, you know.”

He leaned in. “I know. I may still talk about you.” Kissed me, and left. This is what I put up with.

So I decided to use my time in Tamriel productively and build another time portal to try and reach Riacil in the hope that he was done with Coldharbour.

And he was. I found him in Mournhold in his timeline. Decided to visit while I was at it. I had enough reserves for that; stays with Vivec always mean I don’t have to use my magic for anything. The advantages of imposter gods that like to show off.

Riacil looked rougher round the edges, gaunter, face got a few new lines, harder look in his eyes. But those eyes still lit up when he saw me, and he flung his arms around me and told me I’d been one of the things that got him through Coldharbour. Then he froze and muttered, “Are you the right one?”

Still him.

I ruffled his hair, shorter now, and he’s wearing those horns I’ve last seen on Clavicus Vile, which I complimented, and assured him I was the right one.

He grinned and stepped back and looked me over and grinned more. “You won’t believe… So have you ever wondered what’s up with the version of you in my timeline?”

“I’ll admit I have.”

“Almalexia showed me. You’re a lady. Saliah Darovi. House Dres, Daedra expert, saved Vvardenfell and now Clockwork City, and you just won yourself Sotha Sil.” Then he frowned. “That _is_ who you’re with, too, isn’t it? I didn’t misread you and you’re actually courting Vivec? Though that’d be funny.”

“Hold on.”

He grinned.

“Almalexia. Almalexia showed you…”

“I tried to get her help for the Molag Bal business. Still not done there, we have the amulet, but they’re stalling. I can’t get more than her blessing, but she told me someone has to die and I should decide who it is or… She says if I don’t make the decisions, I’ll end up being the sacrifice next time.”

Now that was some news to _almost_ overshadow the other one. “She’ll have been talking about Nerevar. Telling you not to make his mistake. Now be careful, I know I’m a hypocrite, but don’t get too close to her, or you _will_ be making the same mistake as Nerevar.”

He laughed. “Oh, no, that’d be weird. And I already hit on Meridia by mistake, now that was embarrassing.”

“You did what?”

“I didn’t get who she was! She pretended to be a Breton and called herself the Groundskeeper, and I was lonely, so…”

“The Groundskeeper.” I sighed. “Riacil…”

“I know, alright? Anyway, she shot me down, and good thing, too.”

I burst out laughing at that. “And there I was worrying you wouldn’t make things interesting on your end. Forgive me for my lack of faith.”

“You’re making fun of me.”

“Just a little. Anyway. Yeah, it’s Sil I’m with. Not Vivec. Not… No. Really not. But… A lady?”

“Good-looking, too!” he said. “A lot like you now. Just more…” He made a universal gesture indicating curves.

“I don’t know what to make of that.”

“Your other you knows, though. Actually she wears a lot of the kinds of suits you do, just… fills them out a little differently.”

“I…” I shook my head. “I’ll have to process that. So… Why was Almalexia showing you that anyway?”

“It was a weird conversation, I just wanted help, she talked about being stretched thin between all their crises, and then she mentioned you, and – you know I can’t lie well, I showed I recognized you or the concept of you and then the name, and then I ended up spilling a lot.”

“So she was fishing for information.”

“Yeah,” he admitted. “But I predicted your relationship and you being trustworthy, so she seems relieved. Seems she wants her brother to be a normal person. Oh, did you know, at least that version, never has any lovers, just cares about his machines and…”

“I’m learning the members of the Tribunal all gossip about each other equally, and in all realities. And yeah, I know.”

He just grinned at me.

I had to laugh. “In any case. So… You defended me? Thanks. Or… her, really. My other… Yeah.”

“Both of you. I only know you but I said it doesn’t matter. I said you’re loyal to all three of them despite the bark, and not to worry about Sil, and…” He cleared his throat, looked down. “And I said you’re the person I trust most in the world.”

What do you say to that? I tried with “Thanks,” but it got stuck in my throat, and I hugged him instead, probably awkwardly.

He clung to me again anyway.

I’ll have to watch over him, definitely.

“So, Meridia and Almalexia,” I said, “you like them difficult, don’t you?”

“It’s not like that,” he protested. “I mean, it was with the one before I knew she’s Meridia. I tried but I wouldn’t have if I’d known. If they were mortal, maybe.”

“Don’t like gods or Daedra or imposter gods?”

“Not like…” He faltered. “It’d be wrong and weird. If they’re mortal, that’s one thing. But I can’t hit on a different god than the one I worship, I mean…”

“That’s what I did,” I pointed out. “It’d be weird if… Now you’ve given me a mental image I didn’t need. Sheogorath? Absolutely not. Now _that_ kind of relationship would be weird and wrong. Sil’s not a god to me, that’s why it works.”

“I just feel like… If I was to hit on a god, then it should be… I don’t know what I’m saying, nevermind.”

I raised an eyebrow. His face was still buried against my chest, so he didn’t see. Maybe a good thing, at that. But I had to say something after all. “Perhaps you should give that some thought.”

“That’s not… I can’t…” His face was still conspicuously hidden.

“I bet you’re blushing right now.”

He gave a frustrated groan and moved away from me. Yeah, blushing. “Why do you do this to me?”

“Cause I like you and you’re my brother. And just in case.”

He sighed. “So, who did you kill?”

I blinked at the change of topic. “Ah. Out of them? Sai.”

“Sai?”

“No good reason. There’s no good reason for that in any way. Lyris was my friend, and we drank mead together. Varen I felt sorry for, and… He was this melancholy guy that hated himself way too much, and I thought he should live to get another chance. See the world and himself differently again. Sai I didn’t get that close with. And he was… Well, a warrior. And very… straightforward. It’s not that I disliked him, but we just didn’t connect.”

Riacil nodded. “And Abnur?”

“Took himself and me out of the options right away cause we were needed for the ritual and defeating Molag Bal. We were the mages, and I was the soulless one. But I wouldn’t have anyway, we got along. Something about being untrustworthy mages who dealt in Daedric things. And we didn’t get in the way of each other’s politics.” I started to feel the habitual dizziness of having stayed too long in another reality.

“Similar then,” Riacil said. “And… Damn it, I want to catch up on so much.”

“So do I. But I’m getting weak, so I should get back before I get stuck here. Let me just tell you a few big ones before I go.”

He nodded.

“I got the dragon break started. With the help of the third one, the third soulless one, I mean. Guess who it is.”

He blinked. “Tythis.”

“Who?”

“My banker. Well, more than a banker. He’s a necromancer I met in Coldharbour, but he’s also a banker, and I think he lacks a soul, too, and by Lorkhan he’s strong, you’ve got to see him…”

Now that was a new development. “I’ll have to meet him, but no. So. In my reality, and in hers, Abnur has a wife. Who’s a necromancer, too, while we’re at it, but also a Psijic mage…”

His face lit up. “Diesala!”

“You know her? He never brought her around or even mentioned her name till I met him on Artaeum.”

“I’m more trustworthy than you.”

“Can’t deny that,” I said.

“So she’s… She did what we did? Really?”

“As I said. Necromancer and Psijic. She talked her Loremaster into helping us. Something between sentimentality and saving Sil, who’s their honorary member and mentor, and… She made me sound like a villain of epic proportions who’d always cause this, and it’s better for their order to control the damage and work with me, as in the version that was there and willing to work with them.”

He burst out laughing. “I can see it. You have that aura.”

“Do I really?”

“You absolutely do. So… That’s a lot, but I’ll let it sink in later. What now?”

“Now we wait. Something happens, and it should trigger. I don’t know what.”

“Huh.”

“Alright, I should go. I’m hitting my limit, I think…”

“Wait! You said interesting…”

I cocked my head.

“You should know this. Before you go. You mentioned doing something interesting with my reality. So I got rather attached to Vanus, and…”

I grinned. “Your list is growing, isn’t it?”

He grinned back. “That’s not the point here. The point is, I had this vision, from Lorkhan, about what’d happen to Vanus if Mannimarco lived, and then I thought things through, with him being a necromancer and Molag Bal probably wanting vengeance and all, and then we got Chim-el Adabal and did this _thing_ , and now… Mannimarco is gone. From our reality, I think. Thought you’d want to know that. That’s more interesting than hitting on Meridia, right?”

I’ll admit my thoughts went blank there for a moment. “Well, by Oblivion, that really is.”

He gave a little bow.

I felt myself getting faint and hurried our goodbyes, and returned to my reality.

I’m writing this down so I don’t forget any facts, these trips can muddle things in my head.

Time to process all of his information, too. Then time to wait.

And, as so often: What in Oblivion, Riacil?


	39. This one is, again, hard to explain.

And this time it’s only indirectly my fault.

Let’s start at the easy part. I took my portal to the Harbourage and did as Almalexia said: Announced I knew there needed to be a sacrifice, and they could have just told me, and we needed to get a move on cause Molag Bal sure wasn’t waiting for us to get ready.

I won’t bother with the following exchange, in any case we finally got ready, the companions and Tythis and I, cause I insisted on Tythis against general opposition. We went to Coldharbour and did that damned ritual. As it didn’t matter as much what decision I made as that I made one and quickly, I went with gut instinct again and chose Varen.

The ritual was successful. Lyris and Sai weren’t much for conversation afterwards. I needed a moment to figure out the power I’d been given.

Abnur insisted I had to face Molag Bal alone, I said I didn’t and Tythis was coming with me.

Abnur said “Now is not the time for this,” and I said “Now is exactly the time for this, and I’ve got a debt to repay and I have an assignment from Almalexia, and I’m not leaving this to chance.”

He sighed in endless resignation and said he’d regret that.

So, assent.

I didn’t expect to see Abnur again; we have an agreement, after all. So when I felt ready, I just said, “Good luck”, and he said, “Yes, yes, you too. Now off you go,” and Tythis and I were off.

No need to replicate the inane ramblings of Molag Bal, it was like any spurned cult leader or controlling former lover or what have you, and we took him down with not too much difficulty thanks to Akatosh and probably Lorkhan (it is still his blood in the amulet, after all, and he’s with me), and then as things were crumbling, Meridia fished us both out of that mess. First gave me back my soul, then I just looked at her and was going to insist on Tythis’s as well, but she had that, too, and handed it over.

She had that curious smile, and said, “An unusual combination. It’s a good thing I prepared for this. You have your friend Cadwell to thank for this.”

Note: Thank Cadwell for this.

I asked, “How about Haman? I couldn’t well bring a blacksmith to confront Molag Bal, it’s not the same as bringing a banker.”

She smiled once more.

“But you kept that in mind, didn’t you?”

“I did. For my little Lorkhan-associate. His soul is getting restored as well as everyone else’s. You don’t have to worry.”

I thanked her, and we had a brief talk, and she released us, promising to place us both back in the Harbourage to meet the survivors.

The unreal place we were in began to fade in front of my eyes, and my senses got uneasy overall, and I thought I’d lose consciousness, and then there was a crack and a bang that made me think I’d never hear again, and a flash of light, and then just as I thought I saw the Harbourage, I didn’t, and instead I saw a rush of everything, similar to when I changed reality around before, but not quite. This one was more violent. There was a splitting headache, and then I passed out for real.

Woke up to ghostly snake wrap, snuggled into that and fell back asleep. Ghostly snake wrap tugged at me and insisted I wake up. I’m in Mournhold, not in the Harbourage. In an inn room. Not my usual. Tythis’s room. He’s here, Sindir my snake is here.

The headache is also here.

‘Will this pain fade?’ was the first thing I thought to ask Lorkhan.

‘Yes,’ he said.

I wanted to close my eyes again, but he insisted I stay awake. So I snuggled into the ghostly snake wrap some more while keeping my eyes open. ‘That was Salyn?’ I asked.

‘All three of you. You succeeded at your dragon break.’

‘Do I have my soul back?’

‘Yes.’

‘It’s yours.’

Snake wrap got tighter.

‘Does Tythis have his soul back?’

‘Yes.’

‘Was it worth it for Salyn? Can we do what he wanted now?’

‘Yes.’

‘Thanks.’

The presence got faint from fatigue, I could feel.

‘Stay with me,’ I said.

‘I will.’ Then he drifted off, and I had to face the day in a new reality.


	40. Chapter 40

Damn it Salyn, why’d you have to suggest that? Now my thoughts keep coming back there, but really that’s impossible, isn’t it, that’d never work, I couldn’t, out of the question… right? I mean, just because Salyn does… That’s Salyn. Salyn can do anything and doesn’t care, and if he wants a god, well reality just has to bend to his will, as evidenced by the _fucking dragon break_ we’ve been having. But that’s not me, much as I wish I was more like him, but that’s different, isn’t it. I mean it’s not like that’d be my decision to make anyway, and… No, impossible. It was never like that. I’d know if that was possible… right?

Why’d he have to bring that up?

No… Really, it was me who brought it up, wasn’t it?

No, no, no, I will not think along those lines anymore, I can barely face my patron unless I really try hard to banish those thoughts from my head, but then I fail at it again.

Damn it all to Oblivion.

Where’s Salyn anyway? Why isn’t he contacting me? I can do portals now, but not into Clockwork City, or wherever else he may be, and I can’t locate people either.

Damn it, world, give me something to think about.


	41. Chapter 41

_Fuck,_ Artaeum is beautiful.

So Salyn finally brought me over via portal. Turned out he needed permission first, but Diesala got that done.

So Sotha Sil is a mentor of sorts to the Psijics and so him and Salyn are helping the Psijics out with the dragon break aftermath (the dragon break that Salyn caused. Got to love his nerve).

First I just met Salyn, out in that _beautiful_ stunning nature of Artaeum under that sky, I can’t describe the sky; I understand now why my old companion Abnur would want to retire here with his wife.

Salyn and I really in the same place now. Same time, same everything. It’s real, and he doesn’t have to leave immediately cause of wrong-reality-induced faintness or anything, we can just stay and chat however long we want. I’ve got my brother in my own reality (or his? Or Diesala’s? Bit of all, it seems), and it’s incredible.

I told him about all I could think of that had happened, he did the same. Quite a lot on both our ends.

By the way, it’s pretty adorable when he gets caught up talking about Sil, I haven’t seen him like that. Before, if he got into anything at all, he was always dismissive about anything. Now he’s very much off the market, I can see.

I made a joke on how it took a god to accomplish that, and he actually got a bit annoyed and said that doesn’t matter at all, and proceeded to list the lucky guy’s virtues, I swear he sometimes sounds like in a Breton courtly romance.

And tomorrow when Sil’s got time, I’ve now been led to expect to meet the most delicately ethereal sweet innocent flower of a person to ever walk on Nirn. _Probably_ subtract some of that for the factor of my brother clearly being a fool in love.

But I _am_ seriously curious now. Can you be anything even close to that and still ascend to godhood via murder and using instruments like, well, the heart of my god, and build a city upon piles of corpses? I mean, I admire the Tribunal a lot more than Salyn ever did, I remember as a young boy wanting to achieve what Vivec did, till I saw the flaws in it (and to his credit till Salyn helped me see some of it, and in those points he’s right). Or can a personal relationship really change so much about one’s view on someone?

Made me think, too. Gave me some perspective. My own feelings are far removed from Breton courtly romance, but the part about seeing the person, not the title, that’s… Well, that’s what I’ve been doing most of my life, except I also saw the title, more as a kid than now, but still, but I also looked at the “dead or missing” part and dismissed that out of hand and that turned out well, didn’t it?

Ah and as usual this is a jumble of nonsense and not ‘perspective’. I don’t know what to do.

Since I’m stupid, I shared those thoughts with Salyn, and he just grinned and kept asking me absurd questions like if I’d ever brought it up.

Bring it up. Like I just could. I said that’s impossible, that’s not how that goes, I couldn’t.

He said, “You don’t sound like someone who’s uninterested anyway.”

Damn it all, Salyn.

I said, “But I can’t bring it up, there’s too much of a gap.”

“You seemed pretty close to me in that one vision.”

I had to think on that, think on what he may have seen, and I couldn’t _completely_ dismiss it, damn it, but, “That’s not how that is.” Or is it? “And what if –” I had to pause. “What if it’s no? What if he doesn’t want, and that’s a horrible thing to ask, and it destroys everything, and it’s presumptuous and…”

“Good question.”

“Very helpful, Salyn, thanks.”

“And what if it’s not?”

I shook my head. “Wouldn’t he be the one to bring it up?”

“Maybe not. See… I’ve found gods,” he grinned, “or godlike beings, or imposter gods, can have hang-ups about their position.”

I groaned. “Right. That’s you. You hit on your guy first, didn’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“See, that’s you. You do that. You just do that, and from the way it sounds, it seems like you’re in charge in that relationship, too, and I can only be in awe of that, but that’s not me. I can’t just…”

He raised his eyebrows.

“What? You have to know that. I wish I was more like you.”

He looked honestly surprised at that. “No, no, you’ve got that all wrong. Before I asked him, I was a bundle of nerves. I had to ask Sheogorath for courage. I was a mess, it was scarier than… anything, scarier than going up against Barbas and Nocturnal beforehand. Probably Molag Bal, too.”

“Huh. But…” There had to be some argument. “I can’t well ask my own patron about courage here, can I?”

“You could try.”

I had to laugh at that.

“It would send the right message, wouldn’t it?” he added.

“Right. I could.”

He got serious again. “Think about what you want. And think it through well. This isn’t the kind of thing that can easily be broken again. But maybe he’s giving you time to think and that’s why he’s not saying anything. I mean, you’re always connected somehow, aren’t you? Didn’t you say sometimes it’s a blur even who’s who? He’s got to know what you’re thinking, let’s be realistic here.”

“Damn it. You’re right.”

“And there’s been no intervention yet, has there? No… ‘Hey, I see what you’re thinking, better stop that and don’t get your hopes up, isn’t not happening’?”

“…No.”

“Well…”

Damn it. “Well, he’s often tired. And then he doesn’t talk or make his presence known.”

“Of course he’s often tired, wasn’t he near death when you started talking? But you’d think there’d be energy enough for that.”

“Maybe.”

He ruffled my hair. “Think about it. But I’ve kept you out here for too long, haven’t I?”

“I don’t mind,” I said, “it’s stunning. And it’s good to talk to you. Even though you make me think about things that I don’t want to.”

“You don’t sound like you don’t want to.”

I sighed. Damn him for being right again. “Do you talk to your clockwork god the same way?”

He grinned. “That’s confidential.”

I snorted.

“No,” he amended, “I’m more careful with him. Couldn’t bear to upset him in some way. Still figuring out exactly what works and…”

“Salyn, that’s even worse, you know that, don’t you?”

He grinned some more. “So I’ve been told.”


	42. Chapter 42

I met Diesala last night. The formerly soulless Diesala, that is. Almost the same but there are some differences. Bit eerie. But I’m not surprised at all anymore that she was the third one. She also had just the slightest sense of having met but not concrete enough; side effect of this thing happening, I suppose.

Turns out she got Molag Bal to give her back her soul himself. I guess by comparison talking Loremaster Celarus into helping to fabricate a dragon break isn’t so hard. She also _really_ got involved in the war and especially the defence of Morrowind, and I respect that. So does Salyn, I can tell, he was pretty touched.

Met her husband, too, her version of Abnur, and again, slight mutual sense of familiarity (beyond me of course being familiar with _a_ version of him, but this one’s again slightly different). He seems pretty content. Not a look I’m used to from him.

Next day, we met up again, and she said she’d introduce me to her friend the Augur.

The Augur is a _talking skull_ who knows everything and talks in riddles and is one of the funniest guys I’ve ever met. He’s also apparently a secret, and I have to keep quiet about him. So journal only. Salyn already knew him from their previous work. He’d helped out a little to get the details right. Convenient, right?

I said I should have one of those, it’d make my work easier.

Salyn said it’d spoil my work, and I operate best in chaos when I don’t know what I’m doing.

He may be right about that.

I said the same goes for him.

He said he gets that a lot.

Then Sotha Sil joined us. Finally extracted himself from his work on who knows what.

Now, I may have mentioned something about fragile flowers last night.

Salyn, what the fuck, how?

This man is fucking regal and intimidating as fuck, how do you… I don’t even know.

I mean, he was nice to me. He was nice to all of us. I like him.

Said he’d heard a lot about me and was curious to meet the little mystic brother. (Didn’t realise Salyn paid so much attention to that part; I guess cause it’s so normal to me. Interesting!)

And when you’re around him for longer, you see he does have a sweet note when he’s interacting with Salyn, quiet knowing smiles, just a hint of shyness, bit of irony in his voice sometimes, banter even with lingering looks, I can see why Salyn’d be charmed like that. Anyone with any senses intact would be.

But still. This is not a regular mortal, and you can just tell.

Just how, Salyn, how do you get that kind of… nevermind.

We’ve been invited to Clockwork City, too, anytime we want, with the promise that we can always go back. Now this is intriguing.

I asked if I could bring Tythis, too; since his talk with Almalexia at the Temple he’s back to being a good Tribunal-following mer, well, good in the relative sense for a necromancer, but you know what I mean. He’d be stoked to see it.

The master of the city sighed and said he’d have to overhaul the laws of the place sometime if he kept making exceptions, but agreed.

I asked if I could bring my snake as an afterthought. I always bring my snake, but it seemed the polite thing to do in this kind of company.

He smiled at that and said I could and snakes were welcome. Then he told me about how he’d given Salyn control over the publishing machinery in the city and Salyn had published an unauthorised edict against the harming of the brass snakes in the city. It was deemed sensible and stayed up.

I voiced my approval of that sense of priorities and also of there being brass snakes.

Then I felt daring enough for a bit more honesty and said, “Now I know some of your scripture isn’t too friendly about Lorkhan, so I should warn you…”

He waved that concern off, “I know all about that. Clockwork City has defences against Daedra, although they’ve been lacking lately, but none against Lorkhan. You can bring him, too.”

“Bring…?”

Salyn said, “He’s always wrapped around you somehow, isn’t he, or in your mind or what have you, I figure I just don’t normally see it cause it’s not visions. Or am I wrong?”

“I hadn’t thought of it that way,” I said. I hadn’t. “I saw it as… him always being out there somewhere, and giving me little signs to make his presence known, and disappearing again.”

“Really?” Salyn looked supremely sceptical at that.

“Is that so outlandish?”

“From what I think I’ve seen, yeah. I could be wrong, of course, you’re the one who has to know best. But…”

But I didn’t know best, is what he was saying.

More to think about.

That’s when the Augur spoke up: “I can give you a hint. Or spoil the whole surprise, what do you want?”

Tempting. So tempting. In the end though, cursing myself, I said, “I’m having other people do way too much of my thinking already. I should probably figure it out for myself. But in an emergency, can I ask you things?”

“What do you think, mate?”

He meant Diesala, it seemed, cause she answered, “I’ve helped one god I simply like; I’ll certainly help the one I worship. Just try to make it discreet; to the outside world the Augur doesn’t exist, and we want to keep it that way.”

I nodded. “Just for emergencies. Thanks.”

And now I’ve got to do my own thinking, and possibly talking, damn it all.

Then the Augur and Sotha Sil caught each other’s interest and got to talking, about time and reality and the nature of the Aurbis, and it became a confusing mess I couldn’t reproduce if I tried.

Diesala muttered to me, “I may have made a mistake.”


	43. Chapter 43

Alright, let’s take stock again.

1.

I promised several people in several contexts that the happenings of Coldharbour would stay in Coldharbour, and I’ve _mostly_ kept to it. But I’ve failed to keep that promise to myself. I brought a lot of the place with me.

While it enriches my magic, and it really does, and I wouldn’t want to miss the Dark Seducer, I mean, Ancient Akaviri dragon knight-derived tricks in my repertoire anymore, I’m not so sure about the rest.

Think some things I’ve learned and carried out of there aren’t going to do me any favours down the line. I’d better cool my head and spend some time recovering, and losing those again as much as one ever can.

2.

Tythis has his soul back, and has been forgiven by Almalexia, who seems to be his favourite, and I doubt Sotha Sil ever cared, but he’s now welcome in his place, too, which is a big thing, I know, and who knows anything about Vivec, but he won’t care to go against the other two I don’t think, so Tythis should be all set with his gods. And I suspect he wanted to stick with the employment route while in Coldharbour and thanks to our shared condition and whatever weird rules and pacts those cultists got into.

May not apply anymore. Almost certainly doesn’t apply anymore. And maybe he can’t say anything due to the same weird rules and pacts. Or maybe he’s being polite. Wouldn’t surprise me either.

In any case he’s building up his own life, much more than I am, I’m still wandering around not knowing what I’m doing.

I should be the one to offer him freedom once more, or if he wants, a business partnership like I tried in Coldharbour.

3.

I really am not building up shit.

I don’t know what to do with myself at all now that I’m free.

In Coldharbour, I was afraid of leaving Coldharbour.

On Artaeum, I was afraid of leaving Artaeum.

I bet if I went to Clockwork City now, I wouldn’t leave, simply because I’d have something there and wouldn’t have to worry about being on my own again or figuring anything out for myself. The sad truth of the matter is that I’m that kind of person.

I want to see it, I admire it, I want to see Salyn’s new home and what he’s so invested in now, but Salyn took it and made it partly his own including its ruler (who, yes I’ll admit is fucking cute around Salyn even if still intimidating otherwise, but I feel like I got some glimpses at the _person_ , and I’m seeing my brother’s point to some degree) – point is, in contrast to that, I’d fall right in line. All the more when I’m feeling aimless like I am now.

I’ll visit. But I have to wait till I do. Make sure I’m more solidified in myself again. Make sure I’ll let it stay a visit. Unless it’s for some reason absolutely perfect for _me_ , but I doubt it; it’s too little nature and too much machine, and too much a rival creation no matter how much my brother with good opinions gushes about its beauty.

4.

On the topic of creators of things.

First I need a clear head. Like this I’m no good.

Decisions on further course postponed.

But if I haven’t offended you irrevocably with my lines of thinking and the absolute mess that’s my life and my thoughts and my heart, I want you close. I miss falling asleep wrapped up in ghostly snake or whatever else you choose, your pick. I know I’m no good at any of this, but don’t leave me alone. Please.

Writing these last few simple words has taken me longer than the paragraphs above. How are there people that are good at this?

Verdict:

I need time alone and away from everyone that’s been around me and could influence me or my thoughts. And, while I notice the irony, Tythis was right, and I need to get myself to sea. How’s that for not letting anyone influence me?

One last time for now. Cause he’s smart.

The sea saves me from aimless floundering. It did last time.


	44. Chapter 44

I’m in Vulkhel Guard, Auridon. I’m getting some looks, but nothing more. Maybe they’re remembering I was there on Stirk at least _trying_ to be civil and it was the three faction leaders who blew it.

Still an idiotic choice of location, of course, but I remember from the now replaced and defunct set of memories that there were supposed to be Maormer landing nearby. I hope nobody fought them off in the meantime.

I was feeling unwell and feverish for a while and laid low at the local inn. Tiny room. Tythis (now my equal business partner, that went well) is staying back in Mournhold for now. He said he’d come along another time, but right now was a sensitive time for watching the development of the markets after the shift in reality. He’s right, I bet. Not that I know anything about that. But I bet that would have unforeseen influences on that.

He also said if I wanted to be alone, I should be truly alone, and he’d detract from that.

He left out the part where he’s a reminder of Coldharbour, but I did say earlier I wanted to shake off Coldharbour influences, so it must have been on his mind. Tactful as ever.

So I’m alone here, and I regretted it already.

Weird dreams, all the time.

But Lorkhan was there. Not leaving me alone.

Just sometimes seeming tired and distracted.

Most of the time it was simple reassuring snake wrap and some whispers in my mind that in my fever haze I could barely distinguish from my own thoughts and wishful thinking and what I _wanted_ to hear so I kept fretting and asking back. I do that in these states. He kept patient. Take that, people who write critical scripture for other faiths.

  
Once I couldn’t help myself and started a conversation I probably shouldn’t have, but had to. ‘Hypothetically,’ I thought at him.

Snake wrap around me got tighter. Always a good sign. ‘You have a fever. This stays hypothetical.’

‘Aren’t gods supposed to be a little less considerate of mortal concerns? That’d be convenient now.’

That sense in my mind that denotes amusement. ‘You’re not just any mortal. And don’t read so many trashy books.’

Now I was laughing, first time in a long time, and felt immediately better until the next fever wave hit me. ‘Alright, hypothetically.’

‘Think what you want. I’m not offended. Or against it.’

I felt my heart hammering in my chest. ‘Does that mean…’

‘You choose. I wait. But you don’t choose now. You had growing up to do, and now you have to recover.’

I took that in. Waiting… ‘Hey, any time before this, I’m sorry, I was stupid, I…’

‘No, don’t worry. Don’t apologise. You weren’t ready, and I didn’t ask. Don’t worry anymore, it’s nothing.’

‘Thanks.’ Those were a lot of words; he does that sometimes but usually it’s much briefer.

He caught that, too. ‘I’m concentrating. And it gets easier when you need me.’

So did that mean I had a direct influence on his condition after all?

‘You know that already.’

‘On second thought, I do. Sorry.’

‘Hypothetically,’ he said, ‘what do you think would change? Not that much in the end.’

‘It’s different… isn’t it?’ Thinking about how we’d been all this time… ‘Maybe not so different after all. Hey. Would I have competition? I don’t want competition. Hypocritical of me, I know, but I’d quit, too.’

Snake tail brushing over me. ‘I know. No competition.’

‘There are those myths, like those Nord myths…’

‘What did I just tell you about your reading material?’

I grinned. ‘Point taken, and very relieved. So mutually no competition. Good. You can’t leave me if we do this, you can’t take that back. I already completely depend on you. I’ve burned so many bridges of the divine variety for you…’

‘I wouldn’t.’

‘Good. Then…’

‘Not now. Choose when you feel free.’

Felt like being doused in icy water. ‘What if I never do? That’s really fucking hard to do. You know me, I never feel free. Can’t we pick some other condition, something I can actually do?’

Laughter rippling against me. ‘Free enough to choose. Free as yourself.’

‘Again. You know me. That’s still too hard.’

‘I do know you. You’re afraid of deciding anything under anyone’s influence; you have to be alone and morose and brooding it out on your own, or you don’t trust yourself. And I understand why. Now you’ve got the time.’

‘But you just said I have to wait.’

He sighed. ‘Fuck, I don’t know what I’m saying. I’m trying to do this right.’

‘So we’re doing this,’ I said cause I couldn’t help myself.

‘Riacil…’

‘Please?’ As mortifying as it comes, but it was out before I could think about it further.

Got me another sigh, more ragged, unless I was imagining it. Then a whisper. ‘Let me arrange something. Give it some time. We’ll know.’

‘This really makes me anxious.’

‘And they say I’m the restless one.’

I grinned. ‘What’s that about reading material? Besides. You wouldn’t have picked someone totally unlike yourself as your mortal to depend on, right? No matter which way.’

‘There you’re right. In that spirit, if nothing becomes obvious in a month or so, ask me again. Better?’

‘A month?’ I know I sounded horrified, and I refuse to be ashamed. Well, a bit. But not much.

Laughter brushing against my mind, causing me to shiver. ‘Less than a month?’

‘Better.’


	45. Chapter 45

It’s not all that complicated really, is it?

Never was.

I just got spooked by thinking it out loud and official changes in status.

Doubt that’s enough for him for the requirements of the real talk. Just a thought.

Got interrupted.

He said, ‘Stop feeling bad. Mortals never counted. They don’t have to count from here on out either if you want to keep it that way.’

‘I don’t want it that way.’ I bit my lip. ‘Generous of you. Really is. But I’ve been doing some growing up as you said. There’ve only been mortals cause I thought I couldn’t…’ Damn, this is embarrassing.

I’m sensing amusement all around me.

Fuck it. Think it to the end. ‘Cause I thought I couldn’t have you. There you have it. But that’s it now. If we’re doing this, we’re doing this properly, I insist.’

Laughter. ‘Well, if you insist.’

‘Don’t you want?’

‘You’re quick from scared to making demands and rules. Always been like that.’ I’m being wrapped up. ‘Of course I want.’

‘Good,’ I thought at him. ‘For the record, this is you bringing this up. I was only thinking my things to myself. Does that mean…’

‘Take more time.’ Vanishes.

Fucking… But I haven’t stopped grinning yet.


	46. Chapter 46

Finally recovered. Went out and found the Maormer camp. I walked in with Sindir around my neck, and a visible though sensationless ghost snake appearance around me as has happened before on original Sindir’s ship. That got me passage till I could introduce myself.

They were sceptical but not outright hostile. Most of them, that is. Then there was an older weathered one, scruffy and brawny, who approached us and told me to repeat my name. So I did.

“Riacil!” he echoed.

He’d heard of me? I pointed at the sep adder wrapped around my neck. “This is Sindir.”

“Ha! You _are_ him.”

My heart was racing then. “You’ve heard of me?”

“Heard of you! More than I ever wanted! You were on Sindir’s crew. How he bragged of you.”

I felt like beaming and crying both. No need to hide that here either. Still bit my lips together, reflex.

He slapped my shoulder. “So you lived. Good. He’d have wanted that. I’m Olranur. I was on Selymir’s crew; we’d work together in the past and we’d go drinking together when we were in port at the same time. He’d keep you out of it back then, I remember he said you had to get the respect of the men first. Had a good sense for that kind of thing he did. Then the captains had a falling out. Didn’t hear of him then. Till I heard he’d died, that is. Shame that.” He looked around and raised his voice. “Hey, everyone listen up! This is Riacil, the little wood elf from Sindir’s crew. He’s as Maormer as any of us, just half the size. He’s welcome here.” He leaned in to me, voice lowered again. “Got my own crew now, so I don’t have to worry about that.” He pointed at my snake. “Got to the desert?”

I finally found words and my smile back. “Yeah, disastrous stint in Abah’s Landing. Thought I could be a thief on land. Terrible idea, didn’t last long. But I got this little guy. I promised him. So…”

“Promised what?”

“Promised original Sindir I’d name a snake after him if he taught me the magic and if I survived him. I didn’t want to, we argued about that.” My smile left me again. “He won the argument in the end.”

Olranur nodded grimly. “Yeah. But if it’s a comfort, I know he really wanted it that way. He had a strange thing about premonitions, knew he was going to die soon, knew one of you had to go first, knew he wanted… ah we can talk about that later. So you can do the magic? He wasn’t embellishing then?”

“Well, I don’t know how much he embellished. But I can do it, yeah.” I raised two fingers, and Sindir uncurled and stretched upwards on my shoulder. Held the position, and Sindir got into ready-to-strike position. I grinned. “I won’t.” I curled my fingers inwards instead of pointing forward, and Sindir curled back around my neck. “I don’t do that often, he’s my friend, not my attack weapon, I’ve got other ones.”

“Ha! I remember. He said when you met, you were throwing fireballs at the port, burned the whole port down and most of their cargo, but didn’t touch a single ship.”

So fireballs it was in this reality. Not flaming arrows. Close enough.

‘Isn’t it?’ Lorkhan’s whispered voice said in my mind. ‘Hardly anything changed. Just that kind of detail.’

‘Thanks,’ I thought back at him.

“Still, a sep adder?” Olranur asked. “You can argue all snakes are good, but… You could have tamed a sea serpent.”

“This was the first one I met after he died. And, well my reasoning was, I wasn’t born a sea elf and he never held that against me. Or maybe a little scepticism the first few days or so, no more. So I’d continue like that, and he’d probably like that. And besides, the little guy needed getting out of that tiny cage. Fucking Redguards.”

“Ha. Sound arguments.” He nodded at my snake. “Hello Sindir. Pleased to make your acquaintance. And pleased to see your master is loyal and keeps his word.”

I bit my lip. “I’m not loyal to many. For honesty’s sake. But him, yeah.”

“That’s what counts. I mean, we’re all pirates here, right? So. What brings you here, got enough of life on land?”

“You could say that. Had a lot of excitement, but I need… back home, you could say.”

Something stirred in my mind then. Something distinctly Lorkhanic. ‘Hate to tear you out of this. But something came up. Can you postpone?’

‘What, now?’ I thought back. Not happy at all. But this was Lorkhan. My people. But Lorkhan. Lorkhan whom I wanted to promise everything to. Already mostly had. I breathed in. Breathed out. ‘Alright.’

I turned to Olranur. “Well, damn it, I’m being called. This is… I’m really… This is really uncomfortable.”

He raised his eyebrows, then his eyes widened, and he looked up over my head, over his own head.

What… Oh, did Lorkhan do anything?

I looked up and behind me, too. The sensationless ghost snake that had been wrapped around me had grown and risen up above my head, and quite a bit higher. Mirroring Sindir’s earlier movement. Always had to make a show and a statement of it. I had to smile.

“By the Divines,” Olranur whispered. “It’s true, isn’t it?”

“Depending on what exactly you mean…”

“You’re Lorkhan’s chosen?”

“I sure hope so.”

He snorted. “Hard to doubt that. You know, I thought half of what old Sindir told us was yarn and born from drinks and a love of tales. Alright. You’ve got to go?”

“Apparently it _just_ came up.”

He started laughing, and didn’t stop. Wiped tears from his eyes. “Got to be chosen to talk like that. Fine.” He reined in his laughter. “I’m not getting between that. Tell you what. Find me anywhere, and you’ve got a place on my crew, anytime. For Sindir’s sake and cause I like you. And if you don’t find the time, that’s alright, too. We can just catch up on land. Deal?”

“Thank you,” I muttered. “Deal.”

“Right, now off you go, wherever.” He gave mock bows in turn to all of us. “Lorkhan. Riacil. Sindir.”

As I turned away to leave, I noticed my eyes were wet with tears. ‘So…’

‘Someone I really want as a follower has given… what I generously interpret as a signal. And a cry for my protection. This one is important, I’ve already got competition, and he’ll catch more attention still. Competition will be from just about everyone if I don’t move fast. And right now his life’s in danger from all sides. I want to send you and us in for help. It’ll be mostly you, for energy conservation’s sake, but speak as much in my name as you want.’

‘Huh. First time you involve me in something like that. Is that good?’ I asked.

‘It’s good.’

‘Alright.’ What a stupid idea, I had no idea what was going on after all. But this was us, wasn’t it?

Amusement. Of course he caught everything, even if not deliberately thought out loud. ‘Want to show off to your people?’ he asked.

‘Sure thing I do.’

I saw Nirn around us fading, now felt the ghostly snake wrap and felt myself match him in noncorporeal nature.

Lost consciousness then. When I woke up, I was in an ancient site in the swamp among a small group of people of different races. All staring at me.


	47. So I’m in Murkmire.

Fuck I am so tired and drained, and this Argonian liquor does not sit well with me. I’ll keep this short.

Lorkhan pointed me at the dark elf of the group. Turned out to be Lothryn Simero, Diesala’s teacher/mentor/father figure, the shady Telvanni guy Abnur mentioned a few times.

I finally understood what was so funny when I met him. Scruffy guy looking part the unreliable adventurer and part still carrying that gloomy Telvanni thing with him, barely knows how to fight, a few token elementary spells but nothing like I do cause his focus is on healing and research. Just, I guess, the unsavoury Telvanni style of each. In any case, _completely_ useless if you’re going into an ancient Ayleid ruin filled with who knows what that wants to kill you.

But he’d tattooed himself with the sign of the serpent, and also I know how much Diesala cares for him, and I think in his grumpy way so does Abnur, and now so does Lorkhan.

I asked him if it was for Diesala’s sake, who’s his follower already, and he actually gave me a vague hint it was even more for his own sake. But someone smart had already decided it’s safest for the guy if few people knew and Lorkhan agreed, so he’d keep it vague on me for now, too.

So I resigned myself to my work, but I like him. Something about him draws you in.

We racked up an impressive kill count in the temple, I got to brag with Ayleid knowledge, then I almost fucking lost my charge once when that tree thing stabbed him, but he learned a nice self-healing trick with vines from the Hist. Yeah I see what Lorkhan meant about having competition and him catching more attention in the future. If even the Hist vies for your favour, you’ve got a role to play, right?

He himself doesn’t think so at all. I like that. I’ve met enough egomaniacs lately.

Then they had Lothryn pick who to sacrifice to guide a tribe of ghosts and the tree back to life or resurrection or whatever, not my specialty, and there I knew he was one of us. Diesala called us Shezarrines from some books and legends. Good enough. But I’ve found when people tell you to make their important possibly world-altering decisions for them for no good reason at all, and the rest of the signs fit, you might as well throw your lot in with Lorkhan, cause that’s your spot whether you want it or not.

I mentioned how I’d just gone through this sacrifice thing myself recently, and was about to try and comfort him about it, but he took it quite naturally. Made his decision. Lived with it.

I mentioned that, and he said, “Magic is sacrifice. Best to know it or not start it at all.”

I said, “That’s what Almalexia said to me, all magic is sacrifice, and you’d better be the one to make the decisions.”

“You talked to Almalexia? Oh – that Deshaan business, right? Diesala did that, too.”

“I went back, too. Got scared before Molag Bal. Thought if there’s someone who might be on my side who could help against a Daedric Prince… Anyway, she gave me her blessing and some advice, and that was it. And that I should hurry back there and make the decision about the sacrifice cause if I don’t learn to do that, one day it’ll be me. Grim outlook, but maybe smart. I’ve seen a lot of stuff lately. I’d worry about you, you seem idealistic underneath all that, but maybe you already know and I don’t have to worry.”

He frowned and looked in thought and kind of disturbed and confused; then he shook his head. “Think the Hist is still getting to me.”

Then there was stuff to do and we dropped the subject.

Then we met Diesala who was there, and Divayth Fyr – oh yeah, this totally normal unremarkable researcher is attracting notable company indeed, and looks like they’re even serious. I mean. If that isn’t the look of something serious, I don’t know what is.

I’ll skip all the fights and arguments and Psijic business, in any case Lothryn’s officially under Lorkhan’s wing now, and Divayth Fyr might too, maybe (he’s totally in, he’s just making a show of scepticism to preserve his image), so my dear patron sure was right in getting us to do this even from a pure prestige viewpoint, and something’s off about reality still, some dragon nonsense, I don’t even know, and I’m not sure I want to, this is why I’m not a Psijic monk, so I don’t have to deal with this kind of thing. Yeah, I’m a hypocrite. Thing is I want to make my _own_ changes and breaks to the order of time and reality, not mend others’.

And also I drank too much.

Also Lothryn and Divayth have a Psijic wolf, one of those critters Diesala makes, and also, a fucking watcher from Apocrypha, miniature size. They were staying at the inn. And people comment on my snake.

I don’t know where to go next, but that was entertaining, I’ll say. We can do this kind of thing more often.

I didn’t keep this short, did I?


	48. Chapter 48

Well, that adventure is over.

Diesala wants some more time with Lothryn and Divayth, House Telvanni family conference you could say. Then she’s got Psijic business to attend to.

So she said she’d drop everyone off where they wanted, and asked me first where I wanted to go. “I know you can technically do it now, but portals are strenuous. Let me do that.” Nice of her.

I meandered.

First I said the Maormer camp near Vulkhel Guard. Told her she’d have to be careful, in my memories I didn’t take that much part in the war in the end, but she’s even more of a hated war criminal to the Dominion than Salyn, and that’s saying something. But in turn the Maormer might welcome her.

She was intrigued at meeting them on friendly terms.

Then, after some moments alone, I said, I can’t go back to that as if nothing had happened and as if nobody had heard of me and I could just be an anonymous pirate again.

Here’s the thing. I’ve been talking about Lothryn having a role to play for Tamriel or Nirn even; and myself, I run away from responsibility, off to sea. That’s not what I want anymore.

Besides, as much as I like Olranur at first glance, he’s no Sindir and never would be, and his crew would never be the one I’d grown into either. That chapter of my life is over. This’d be me trying to warm up a pale imitation out of nostalgia and weakness. I can’t do that. I have no idea what to do with myself next, but not that. And I realise, it’s not even that I have to get over it. I’m already over it. It’s in the past. The Maormer are always my people, but my specific people from then are gone, and I’ve moved on, and I’m not a pirate anymore.

Then I said, maybe Mournhold. Meet up with Tythis, find my bearings, think.

Lothryn said if I’m going there, she could drop me off there first and then come back for them cause he doesn’t like Mournhold, gives off a bad aura to him.

Diesala agreed to that as if that was the most natural thing he could have said. She turned to Divayth. “You’re probably not popular there either lately.”

I concurred. “At the very least Almalexia knows you’ve been using her temple for your meeting among heretics. Maybe be careful for a while.”

He wanted to protest, but Diesala cut us all off. “Let’s not make this more complicated than it has to be. I have very little time. I actually have no time at all. I want to help out, and I want to spend a moment with, well, family, isn’t it, and I don’t want to deal with bad auras and vexed goddesses. So you two are staying here. Riacil? Mournhold?”

The rest of House Telvanni didn’t raise any objections.

But then I did. “Actually, do you have something for me to do? Can I learn from you? I’ll be honest, I’m completely aimless right now. And I dread that. And, you know, for the dragon break itself, Salyn told me back then he had enough scholars and wanted a mystic perspective, but then things happened before I could do anything. Maybe you could use me now. Fix things up you don’t see. Or at least put the finger in the wound where you don’t see, and then you can do the fixing. That’s more like it really.”

She tapped her finger against her lips, thinking. “Under one condition. I want to meet your Maormer first. And then we can go to Mournhold to pick up your things.” Her lips curled into an ironic smile. “You want to bring your banker again?”

“If he wants to, absolutely.”


	49. Maormer and Mournhold

So we left the Dunmer pair behind in Lilmoth to rest and prepare for their next steps, and went to the Maormer camp. I introduced Diesala as my Psijic friend, and she was delighted at them, and so were most of them in turn.

It was hard to turn down Olranur’s offer, but he said he’d expected it, and wished me luck with what was next.

“So did you get your thing done for Lorkhan anyway?” he asked.

“All done,” I said, pointing to Diesala. “Saved her teacher, that was the guy he wants as a follower, and recruited him, and might be getting somewhere with his lover, too. They’re both difficult about religion, so I see this taking a while, but you know.”

He snorted. “Right. I’m not much of a priest, so I couldn’t say. But you know, you impressed some people back then, with your ghost snake. Made a few waves. Made your guy a little more popular and feasible, especially among the young ones.”

“Good,” Diesala said, “that gives me hope for the future.”

“You too?” he asked.

“Me, too.”

He gave a slow pensive nod. “Might be a thing of the future then. So what’s next for you?”

Diesala said, “I’m taking this little fellow to Artaeum for a while to help us fix something. There’s been some strangeness about time, and some sloppy work, after all, and he’s got a perspective we lack.”

Olranur whistled. “That’s better than pirating, for sure.”

I couldn’t help myself and said, “If you think so, why not come along?”

He laughed. “What would I do on Artaeum?”

I said, “They got an Argonian warrior just now. Her teacher foisted him off on her. And, you know…” I gave her a side glance. Should I say?

Diesala sighed. “I used to be a Necromancer. Still was for a while after joining the order. Things are changing. But…” She looked at him doubtfully. “You know, maybe the idea isn’t so bad. You do know magic, don’t you?”

“Do I know magic? I know magic you Empire types haven’t even heard of.”

“Well, then… I’d have to ask my order, but they should be used to this from me by now.”

“Give me a moment to think.”

So we did, went to Mournhold in the meantime.

“I swear,” she said, “you’ll be the death of me. You all will.”

“But it’d be interesting, right?”

“It would. It certainly would.”

Tythis was surprised to see me back so soon but clearly pleased. Even more so at the offer of temporary work on Artaeum.

“So you did not get on your pirate crew in the end,” he noted.

“Would have, but decided against it. Let the past be the past. But I might be getting one of their captains to join us instead,” I said.

He arched an eyebrow. “I should not be surprised.”

In the end they both joined.

Of course Diesala talked the Loremaster into letting us help and study on Artaeum. Convinced him the Psijics were by the nature of their magic and their order blind in some spots and that’s why they needed us.

Salyn told me a while back that she can talk anyone into anything, and he’s right. Scary.

But sometimes convenient.

Except I guess I’m helping patch up others’ messes with time and reality after all.

Fine.

I’ve got things of my own at stake here, not to mention a creation I care about, and I want this to go right. Can’t leave all the decision-making to other people, right?


	50. Let’s take stock.

Didn’t know I could be so mentally fatigued, not in all the time I’ve spent alive. But we’re doing good work. We’ve got a good chance of getting these lingering breaching problems solved.

Salyn and Sil have been warned to stay in their realm and keep a low profile for the time being.

Lothryn is stowed away somewhere else for now. Gives Diesala peace enough to concentrate on her work, too.

I’ve fought for this reality to exist, and so have others, and I’ve done enough complaining and getting especially Lorkhan to do things too, to set it right. I can’t lose this now; I want to move on with it as it is. It’s good like this.

I’ve got no idea where I’m going when the work is done, but maybe I don’t have to know. If I fall into another pit of meaninglessness after this, at least it’ll be a pit of meaninglessness within the reality I wanted.


	51. Chapter 51

As for something that means something, more than anything.

Lorkhan. Is this what you were thinking of? About being free to choose?

I get a whispered answer, ‘It’s not. Honestly, I thought you’d go with the pirates. You surprise me, and that’s good.’

I’m smiling, and nervous both. Here’s the thing, Lorkhan. I know your heart is currently bound up as an artefact, and if you need it freed somehow, we have to find a way without harming Sil cause, I mean. That’s not even negotiable.

‘I know,’ he says, ‘when all my special picks are in agreement about that, including you, how would I argue? I simply ask for you to be successful at it, too, cause I’ll recruit him sooner or later, and your brother, too. Still a secret, but I will. But that’s what I’ve got people like you for.’

But I’m not just that for you, am I?

Snake wrap around me. ‘Of course you’re not.’

I take some deep breaths, and the ink has dried a few times, and I dipped the pen back in several times, and let it dry again, but I’ll do this, and I’m making this tangible here on parchment.

Lorkhan. It doesn’t matter if your artefact kind of heart is unusable right now. Doesn’t matter if it’s permanently unusable or gets destroyed either.

You can have mine.


End file.
